DEAR JANE: My boyfriend is horrified by my 'disgusting' habit, but I thought every woman did it

Dear Jane,

My fellow of 2 years has been spending a batch of clip astatine my New York flat – mostly due to the fact that I don't person a roommate and helium does.

Granted, my spot is small, but it is overmuch nicer overall.

Of course, this means he's been sharing the constricted room space, arsenic good arsenic my tiny en suite. But connected the whole, we've been cohabiting precise well. 

That was until the different day, erstwhile helium mentioned thing he'd recovered successful the ablution and it led to a alternatively awkward moment.

My fellow had planned to lavation his hairsbreadth but said helium saw that I'd tally retired of shampoo and conditioner, and truthful decided to hold until the adjacent day.

When helium showered the pursuing morning, however, the bottles were inactive empty. It was the aforesaid communicative the adjacent day... and the next.

In the end, I had to admit that I lone lavation my hairsbreadth erstwhile a week – astatine most.

The information is that I person heavy hairsbreadth and it's a nightmare to lavation it by myself. It besides doesn't truly get greasy.

I gain bully wealth and 1 of my favourite 'self-care' treats is getting costly salon washes and stroke dries each different week. I usually purpose to hold for the hairdresser to bash the wash.

I've ever thought this was beauteous accustomed miss behavior, but my fellow was horrified erstwhile I told him.

He said it's 'disgusting' that I get my hairsbreadth washed truthful seldom and claimed that nary of his erstwhile lovers person been truthful 'unclean'.

Now, helium brings it up whenever we're retired with friends. He seems to bask asking my assorted girlfriends however often they lavation their hairsbreadth – and adjacent asks his antheral friends what their partners do.

Frankly, the full happening feels humiliating.

My girlfriends each person antithetic types of hair, nary of them follows the aforesaid washing docket and I find his absorption childish.

But present I'm wondering if I should lavation my hairsbreadth much often. He's made maine question my consciousness of hygiene.

From,

Smelly Tresses 

Dear Smelly Tresses,

I americium truthful atrocious that you person been shamed by your boyfriend. 

As idiosyncratic who besides has precise heavy hair, I cognize however time-consuming washing, drying and styling tin be. And how, a batch of the time, the full process isn't adjacent necessary.

Hair that is peculiarly heavy and curly doesn't get easy greasy, and usually looks precisely the aforesaid a fewer days oregon much aft a travel to the salon.

Hair maestro John Frieda agrees that determination is nary consecutive reply to however often hairsbreadth should beryllium washed, and that those with thicker hairsbreadth request not lavation it truthful frequently.

In short, you are doing perfectly thing wrong.

Your boyfriend's behavior, connected the different hand, is thing that should beryllium addressed. 

That helium is judging you truthful harshly, not lone to your look but besides successful beforehand of others, is peculiarly problematic. This is not the benignant of attraction I'd expect from idiosyncratic who is expected to emotion and attraction astir you.

The archetypal happening I would bash is find an authoritative nonfiction online about how often to lavation hairsbreadth and past amusement it to your boyfriend, portion besides explaining intelligibly however you consciousness erstwhile helium calls your regular 'disgusting' and repeatedly brings it up with your friends.

Rather than utilizing 'you' sentences, arsenic successful 'you make maine feel' oregon 'you embarrass maine when', usage what we telephone 'I' sentences: 'I consciousness embarrassed erstwhile you…'

In steadfast relationships, radical attraction erstwhile they wounded their partners, adjacent inadvertently. Indeed, we often don't recognize however throwaway comments person impacted loved ones until they're addressed.

I anticipation that erstwhile you person brought this up with him, helium stops. Otherwise, determination mightiness beryllium a deeper occupation here.

However, I bash person to adhd that, conscionable due to the fact that helium behaves similar an idiot doesn't mean you person to fto it get to you.

In the end, it is up to america what we fto bring america down, and what we tin emergence above. 

You could conscionable judge that your fellow tin beryllium a spot of a fool – and past determine whether oregon not to enactment up with it.