DEAR JANE: My boyfriend keeps doing something suspicious with his male best friend. Should I be worried?

Dear Jane,

My fellow and I person been dating for astir 2 years and we've conscionable moved successful together.

Before we got our ain place, everything was perfect. 

But now, thing weird is happening and I'm not definite if I'm overreacting.

I antecedently lived with 2 of my girlfriends from college. My fellow lived with his puerility champion friend, who has since moved into his ain workplace apartment. 

I ne'er truly got to cognize this person due to the fact that my fellow ever insisted connected coming implicit to my place. I thought thing of this astatine the clip but present I find it suspicious.

You see, since we moved successful together, my fellow has been having 'sleepovers' astatine at his friend's place, least erstwhile a week.

I'm assuming they slumber successful the aforesaid bed.

The full happening is bizarre and I find the concern a small alarming.

I've asked my fellow wherefore helium has these changeless sleepovers and helium explained that the 2 of them conscionable bent retired and play video games.

But I find it unusual that helium has ne'er made an effort to link maine with his friend. If anything, helium tries to support america abstracted — adjacent now.

I cognize that this mightiness dependable similar I'm jumping to conclusions but I person a feeling determination is thing romanticist going connected betwixt them.

My fellow and I are sexually progressive and I cognize helium loves me, truthful I'm definite that he's not cheery — but possibly he's bisexual.

Something astir the concern seems truly 'off' and I can't enactment my digit connected it. What should I do?

From,

Sleepover Scaries

Dear Sleepover Scaries 

The biggest contented that needs to beryllium addressed is wherefore you haven’t met your boyfriend’s puerility champion person contempt having dated him for 2 years. 

Usually when a mates has been unneurotic for that long, they person integrated each other’s friends into the beingness that they present share.

So, I bash deliberation you’re close to deliberation that thing is off. However, I’m conscionable not definite that your decision is the close one.

Until you speech to your fellow astir this, you’re ne'er going to cognize the truth. 

As quality beings, our earthy instinct is to springiness into confirmation bias. This means we look for grounds to enactment what we believe, whether oregon not that content is true.

Perhaps, due to the fact that of the ongoing sleepovers and the information that you haven’t met the champion friend  you person enactment 2 and 2 unneurotic and travel up with five. I accidental this due to the fact that I don’t spot wide grounds that determination is thing romanticist going connected betwixt them.

As for sleeping implicit successful a workplace apartment, arsenic the parent of 3 strapping boys, I tin archer you that erstwhile their friends slumber over, which happens rather often erstwhile they are home, they are perfectly blessed sleeping connected immoderate sofa they tin find. No pillows, sheets oregon duvets are needed erstwhile they determine to clang astatine a friends.

I bash deliberation you person to code the feeling that your fellow is keeping the 2 of you apart. That’s truly the superior concern. 

I’m disquieted that if you bombard him with your fears astir his sexuality, helium mightiness unopen down and you’ll ne'er get the afloat story. 

Rather, explicate to him that you privation to get to cognize his person amended and suggest organizing a meal with the 3 of you. 

If helium declines, you tin past commencement to question him arsenic to why. 

There whitethorn beryllium a acold much guiltless explanation: his person could beryllium socially awkward, oregon argumentative, oregon difficult. Maybe your fellow thinks the 2 of you volition hatred each other. Either way, helium does person to explicate wherefore you've hardly met.

If helium is unwilling to explicate and continues to support you apart, I would spot this arsenic a reddish emblem that can’t beryllium ignored. 

Secrets of immoderate benignant destruct the instauration of a relationship. I anticipation the 2 of you tin find your mode to an unfastened treatment that volition enactment your fears astatine ease.

Dear Jane,

My hubby and I person been joined for astir 3 years and unneurotic for five.

Two and a fractional years ago, I had a little affair, which my hubby knows about. He forgave maine astatine the clip — but helium present keeps making small comments that person got maine worried.

The different night, I was feeding our one-year-old lad meal and my hubby said, 'if helium has immoderate of maine successful him, helium volition emotion that pasta.'

After I asked what that was expected to mean, my hubby blurted retired that, sometimes, helium doesn't deliberation our lad is his due to the fact that helium has lighter hairsbreadth than helium did arsenic a kid and due to the fact that it is curly. He adjacent suggested that taking a DNA trial would enactment his caput astatine ease.

I americium profoundly wounded that helium would deliberation this. I person been thing but faithful and committed aft my affair, and our lad is, without a doubt, his child. Do I person a close to beryllium upset?

Sincerely,

Papa Don't Preach 

Dear Papa Don't Preach,  

Putting speech your ain upset astatine your husband’s stinging remarks, the information that your matter was brief, that your hubby knows astir it, and that helium has forgiven you does not erase the symptom of the betrayal.

I ideate this is wherefore helium is making comments similar this.

I recognize that you consciousness hurt, but I tin archer from your husband's comments that helium is hurting too, adjacent years later. 

You whitethorn consciousness that your matter happened a agelong clip agone and should beryllium h2o nether the span by present but, unfortunately, that isn’t ever the mode things works. 

Trust takes a precise agelong clip to rebuild, and successful galore cases it ne'er comes backmost entirely. 

I commend some of you for staying married, peculiarly due to the fact that you stock a child. Clearly determination is simply a goodness successful your narration that is keeping you together.

However, it seems that the 2 of you person not done capable enactment successful repairing the damage.

What is called for present is simply a due knowing of the reasons that led you to question comfortableness with different man.   

The 2 of you request to spell and spot a narration counsellor. And not due to the fact that your matrimony is successful danger, but due to the fact that your husband's passive assertive comments bespeak that helium is not wholly implicit your past infidelities.