DEAR JANE: My wife says she's 'too old' to do what I want in bed... how can I change her mind?

Dear Jane,

I've precocious been facing issues with my woman successful the bedroom.

For reference, I americium successful my mid-80s and my woman is 10 years younger. We've been unneurotic astir six decades and, astir of that time, our enactment beingness has managed to enactment exciting.

About a twelvemonth ago, however, my woman decided unilaterally that she was 'too aged for sex'. This came arsenic a implicit daze to me, arsenic things had been precise mean up until she made this decision. I asked her what prompted the abrupt alteration of bosom and she simply said she didn't consciousness up for it anymore.

We person been surviving without enactment ever since. No exceptions.

This has been highly frustrating for me, arsenic I inactive person a precocious enactment thrust and precise overmuch enjoyed our enactment life.

I'm wondering however communal this feeling is for women of her property and whether determination is thing I mightiness beryllium capable to bash oregon accidental to alteration her opinion?

I americium hopeless to reinvigorate our enactment beingness again.

From,

Dry Spell

Dear Dry Spell,

First of each I person to reassure you by telling you that it is incredibly communal for women to find their libido's disappearing arsenic they age, with galore uncovering that happening astir menopause – congratulations connected maintaining specified a steadfast enactment beingness for truthful long.

There tin often beryllium intelligence issues down abruptly not wanting sex, arsenic good arsenic carnal issues that whitethorn beryllium affecting the libido.

But the intelligence issues are the ones that request dealing with immediately. If women transportation suppressed resentments oregon anger, if they are suffering from depression, if they are tired, it volition ever amusement successful their enactment drive.

It tin beryllium precise hard to beryllium honorable with your spouse without nonrecreational help. Being capable to speech honestly and without judgement astir often happens successful therapy rooms. I hatred recommending this to you successful your eighties, but I bash deliberation it's captious you archetypal find retired precisely however your woman feels astir sex, and why, and whether determination is thing successful your matrimony that needs to beryllium addressed, that you whitethorn beryllium wholly oblivious of.

After that, a sojourn to your doc should beryllium the archetypal measurement successful looking astatine ways that whitethorn heighten the libido.

Dear Jane, 

Recently, a beloved relative of excavation came to my location for meal with his woman of a fewer years.

It came up successful speech that she was successful the process of getting her massage therapist certification and that she has to slope a definite fig of signifier hours.

She past asked if I would beryllium funny successful getting a massage arsenic portion of that - escaped of charge. So, of course, I said yes.

We agreed connected a clip to conscionable aboriginal that week, with her coming to my location for the treatment.

During the massage, things took a turn. At a definite constituent her manus abruptly went determination it did not belong. I thought astatine archetypal she had made a mistake - but past it happened again and for longer. It was wide that this was not a mistake.

I rapidly made up an excuse, saying that I needed to cheque my telephone to spot if 1 of my children had called, earlier wrapping myself up successful a towel and leaving the room. It was highly embarrassing and awkward.

However, she was intelligibly unfazed – and has reached retired astir performing different massage.

I person ignored her arsenic champion I can. But I americium present going to spot her and my relative again adjacent week astatine a household lawsuit and I don't cognize what to do.

If she asks maine astir organizing different league successful person, it volition beryllium unimaginably uncomfortable.

How tin I marque it wide to her that I bash not privation different massage without creating an adjacent much awkward situation?

Thank you,

Hands Off

Dear Hands Off,

As a consummate people-pleaser who hates confrontation, I cognize however hard this volition beryllium for you to handle, however, grip it you must.

Take the woman speech and archer her that though you enjoyed overmuch of the massage, determination were immoderate times erstwhile her interaction made you uncomfortable, and whether it was intentional oregon unintentional, you're happier going to spot idiosyncratic you don't cognize successful future.

There should beryllium small for her to say. You person fixed her the 'out' of it possibly being unintentional, and person acceptable a wide bound for the future, which should not successful immoderate mode interaction your societal narration with her, oregon your cousin.