How ‘TikTok Made Me Buy It’ mantra is destroying women’s finances – as as one mum battles £40k debt

FROM Birkin bags to high-end kitchens and luxury hols, societal media dishes up an endless watercourse of lavish lifestyles – and it’s having a devastating toll connected women’s finances.

Scrolling done her societal media feed, it was a alien pictured astatine Disneyland that caught mum-of-two Lauren Chambers’ eye.

“Something astir this pistillate and her kids enjoying this astonishing vacation made maine click done to her profile,” says the wedding lensman and events planner from Coleraine, Northern Ireland.

There, she recovered posts boasting a spotless, high-end kitchen, gorgeous co-ordinated outfits and a cleanable children’s playroom.

Comparing it to her ain house, with each the chaos of beingness with 2 young children, Lauren, 35, felt a substance of exhaustion and hope.

“This pistillate seemed conscionable similar me,” she remembers. “I felt a unreserved of envy and determination. If she could whisk her kids distant to Disneyland Paris, past truthful could I! That’s erstwhile I reached for the recognition card. I was conscionable 1 click person to 1 time being successful £40,000 of debt.”

From handbags and holidays to perfectly-put-together houses and quality hauls, societal media serves up a changeless watercourse of lavish lifestyles.

These extravagant displays are present truthful ubiquitous that they’ve been dubbed “wealth porn” – and it’s having a devastating interaction connected galore women’s finances.

That’s successful portion due to the fact that women are connected societal media more.

Ofcom’s yearly study connected the UK’s integer habits recovered that successful 2024, women were averaging fractional an hr much online each time compared to men, and that doubles among Gen Z women. And portion men are checking retired Reddit and LinkedIn, women are spending their days connected Instagram, TikTok and Facebook.

It’s these peculiar platforms, and the “wealth porn” contented they display, that’s driving debt.

A survey recovered that Instagram influencers who are paid to endorse buy-now-pay-later schemes person led to £652million worthy of borrowing among followers looking to replicate their lifestyles.

They recovered that the mean outgo of the items successful each of their posts came to £1,800.**

Meanwhile, #TikTokMadeMeBuyIt has racked up much than 12 cardinal posts.

Lauren says: “Money has ever been a conflict for me. My lad Tyler was calved successful March 2011, erstwhile I was 21. Nine months later, my narration broke down and I was backmost astatine my parents’ house, a azygous mum and counting retired my pennies to bargain a cupful of tea.”

Determined to amended her life, Lauren graduated with a grade successful criminology and met her now-husband Jason successful April 2014 done a friend.

All the while, societal media ticked distant successful the background.

“For years, that lone meant engaging with friends and household connected Facebook, which didn’t person immoderate interaction connected my spending,” she says.

‘Instagram and TikTok were showing maine a wholly unrealistic modular of success’

But by the clip her girl Isla was calved successful September 2015, Instagram had changed everything.

“Suddenly, it wasn’t conscionable celebrities showing disconnected their gorgeous homes and wardrobes successful glossy magazines. My telephone was afloat of seemingly mean radical surviving this lavish life.

“These women were strangers, but I felt similar they could beryllium my relatives, colleagues oregon friends. The much I saw their picture-perfect worlds, the much I felt that this was the beingness I should beryllium living.”

Lauren splashed retired connected apparel and make-up, holidays and interiors – including hundreds connected a caller sofa – trying to support up with the modular she saw connected her socials.

“I spent £2,000 connected the household travel to Disneyland Paris and, portion it was large erstwhile we were there, aft that contiguous dopamine hit, I was near with the interest of what that meant for my finances.

“We conscionable didn’t person the money. Even erstwhile I’d started my photography concern successful 2017, Jason was moving a minimum-wage occupation successful a factory. He had nary thought that the store cards, recognition cards and loans were spiralling retired of control.

“At the time, I told myself that it was fine, due to the fact that I was gathering each the monthly repayments. But really, I was successful denial and it was impacting my slumber and accent levels.

“I didn’t realise backmost past that Instagram and TikTok were showing maine a wholly unrealistic modular of ‘success’. And I conscionable couldn’t halt scrolling, due to the fact that it drew maine in, adjacent though it made maine consciousness inadequate and unhappy with what I had.”

This is simply a cleanable statement of wealthiness porn, says Elaine Kasket, cyberpsychologist and writer of Reset: Rethinking Your Digital World For A Happier Life.

“Comparing ourselves to others is simply a basic, evolutionary instinct. It was indispensable to our survival, due to the fact that being accepted meant being kept successful the tribe. If you didn’t acceptable in, you would beryllium rejected and you couldn’t past alone. But that quality instinct ne'er went away.

“By the 20th century, happiness with your beingness inactive depended mostly connected sizing yourself up against what different radical had. In the pre-digital world, that instinct had morphed into the tendency to ‘keep up with the Joneses’,” she explains.

“The Joneses were erstwhile the radical successful your street. Now, with societal media, they’re everyone, which means that our benchmark for occurrence is wholly skewed.

“Just similar regular porn, wealthiness porn is almighty due to the fact that it gives pleasance arsenic good arsenic discomfort. We similar to look astatine beauteous things, to ideate what our messy lives would beryllium similar if, we too, could person the Birkin handbag, Farrow & Ball room oregon tropical holiday.”

But, Elaine says it’s precise important to retrieve that some kinds of porn are fake.

“Porn doesn’t person immoderate discourse – you don’t spot a mates taking retired the bins earlier they person sex. Wealth porn is the same.

"You spot the beach, but not the nightmare formation to get there. Now you conscionable spot a station of perfection from a alien who feels similar your peer, and consciousness similar a nonaccomplishment that you can’t person the same.

“Wealth porn is pleasurable due to the fact that it excites you, but astatine the aforesaid clip it makes you consciousness ashamed oregon upset, due to the fact that you can’t measurement up.”

For Sarah, a copywriter from Surrey, the wealthiness porn that truly deed hard was each astir motherhood.

“My girl Poppy was calved successful January 2021. At the mum and babe radical meet-ups, I would think: ‘I person it unneurotic conscionable arsenic overmuch arsenic these different women.’ However, I recovered that online, it felt truthful different.

“My feeds were afloat of mums surviving this beauteous beingness with woody toys, Boden apparel and acquisition play spaces. In my astir exhausting moments, I’d doomscroll for a consciousness of escape, but it ever near maine feeling inadequate – and that’s erstwhile I started to shop.”

Even arsenic the fog of caller motherhood lifted, Sarah couldn’t support distant from social media, oregon the buying that it led to.

“It went from wanting the close high-tech steriliser astatine £160 to the cleanable babe bearer astatine £300, which each added up.”

The operation “making memories” besides loomed ample for the 39 twelvemonth old.

“If it wasn’t posts astir a summertime time astatine the waterpark, it was pumpkin picking successful October. I’d think: ‘Well, I’ll publication that excessively oregon my girl volition beryllium missing out,’ and I’d walk hundreds.

“Of course, it often failed to unrecorded up to the dream. If Poppy cried oregon wasn’t successful the mood, which ne'er seemed to hap connected societal media, it each felt similar specified a waste, and similar I’d failed each implicit again.”

‘I realised societal media is not really determination to assistance you ­– it’s determination to capitalise connected you’

As Sarah’s indebtedness accrued to £20,000, her hubby Harry*, 42, who works successful administration, had nary idea.

She says: “I felt that I was connected apical of it due to the fact that I was gathering the minimum repayments, and I didn’t privation to interest him. He inactive doesn’t know, which is simply a load for maine to carry, but I don’t program to archer him until I’m debt-free.”

Thankfully for Sarah, that’s connected the horizon. “In June past year, I joined an online people with Rebel Finance School and had to database each my debts. Seeing the full was shocking, but it spurred maine connected to tackle it,” she says.

Sarah took immoderate applicable steps, including a 2nd freelance job.

But the changes she made to her narration with Instagram and TikTok person been conscionable arsenic impactful successful reducing her debt down to £5,000.

“I realised, arsenic a mum, societal media tin go your village. But it’s not really determination to assistance you, it’s determination to capitalise connected you.

"I abruptly understood however I was being manipulated, however it was playing connected my insecurities and starring maine to walk what I didn’t have. I spot present that creators are ne'er honorable astir the outgo oregon indebtedness they mightiness beryllium successful to person this ‘perfect’ life.”

Funmi Olufunwa, laminitis of fiscal acquisition supplier Hoops Finance, agrees that wealthiness porn is simply a unsafe satellite of fume and mirrors.

She says: “Many women online person built a assemblage astir the idea: ‘I’m conscionable similar you’. Then abruptly they popular up with a decorator container oregon the keys to a caller house, but it could beryllium from savings oregon possibly their spouse is backing it, oregon the ‘bank of mum and dad’ – oregon it could each beryllium debt. We simply don’t know.”

Cracks are yet starting to look successful the wealthiness porn facade.

In September, a TikTok video went viral erstwhile a pistillate revealed that her friend, a glamorous influencer with implicit a cardinal followers, was really successful £7,000 of indebtedness and her cautiously curated contented had each been a lie.

Still, the immense bulk of wealthiness porn continues to peddle the fantasy.

‘Long gone are the days of seeing thing and redeeming up for it’

And erstwhile you propulsion successful one-click purchases, same-day transportation and recognition services similar Klarna, it’s small wonderment truthful galore radical are getting into fiscal trouble.

Funmi says: “Every twelvemonth we region adjacent much of the friction that stands betwixt america and spontaneous spending. Long gone are the days of seeing thing and redeeming up to wage for it.”

That was surely existent for Lauren, until the pandemic began.

“Suddenly, beingness seemed smaller, but calmer. My discomfort with my increasing indebtedness led maine to adhd it each up, and discovering it totalled £40,000 was devastating. I felt sick and frightened astatine what to bash next,” she says.

“But the daze helped maine look up to my spending habits and my reliance connected societal media. I thought: ‘Who precisely are these random radical that I’m looking up to?’ Suddenly, it didn’t marque sense.

Now, by pursuing wealth and indebtedness accounts, alternatively than influencers, Lauren has chopped backmost hugely connected her spending and worked adjacent harder connected her business.

When she yet paid disconnected her indebtedness successful January 2024, Lauren confessed each to her husband.

She says: “Jason was upset I’d shouldered it each alone, but helium was arrogant of maine for what I’d done to wage it off.

"Becoming debt-free was an astonishing feeling. As a result, we were capable to bargain our archetypal location successful September.”

Starting her ain TikTok @Lifefromlit showed Lauren conscionable however large the unit is to provender successful to wealthiness porn and station her riches.

“It’s the aspirational, ‘perfect’ contented that gets the numbers,” she says.

“But I’m determined not to spell down that path. I privation to amusement the messy world of beingness – that occurrence isn’t counted successful decorator bags.”