I earn a good wage but still want a wealthy man – what’s wrong with that?

Chidera Eggerue has nary qualms astir openly stating she wants a spouse with money.

‘I privation a antheral who fulfils his relation arsenic a provider,’ she tells Metro. ‘If I privation a feline successful my life, helium needs to payment maine arsenic I payment him.’

Although there’s nary wage threshold per se erstwhile uncovering a partner, Chidera adds that she has definite criteria that needs to beryllium met.

‘It’s much astir sustaining a lifestyle,’ the influencer explains. ‘They request to beryllium capable to wage their ain rent, spend to beryllium capable to wage mine, positive person spending money, positive bargain gifts.

‘I wouldn’t expect that benignant of attraction from a feline successful a much introduction level of his vocation and usually the men who tin spend to facilitate that benignant of manner thin to beryllium successful their forties and fifties, further up successful their vocation and higher earners.’

It’s a sentiment that echoes theTikTok improvement from earlier this year, erstwhile Megan Boni’s track, Looking for a Man successful Finance – a catchy opus astir wanting a antheral who had a spot fund, was six ft 5 and had bluish eyes – became the earworm of the summertime and soon adopted arsenic an anthem.

Megan’s song, however, was ne'er meant to beryllium taken seriously. She’s since said it was intended to lightly poke amusive astatine azygous women having exceedingly precocious standards. 

But wherefore are women holding specified precocious standards – and does it merit to beryllium mocked?

Money matters

A study from the London School of Economics recovered that 38% women successful the UK and Spain look to ‘marry up’ – choosing partners with greater levels of wealthiness and acquisition – astir treble the fig of women choosing to bash the aforesaid successful 1949. A caller YouGov survey revealed that 54% of under-45s judge fiscal compatibility is important for the occurrence of a narration with a romanticist spouse oregon spouse. 

Even conscionable a cursory glimpse connected TikTok sees galore feminine dating coaches with tips connected however to find a affluent partner. Advice includes avoiding ‘low effort dates’, ‘being beauteous and feminine’, and withholding intimacy. Many person amassed millions of views.

For Chidera, relationships are transactional. She believes successful utilizing enactment arsenic a ‘tool’, making calculated decisions earlier she decides to beryllium intimate.

‘Men instrumentality from america – whether it’s an ego stroke, whether that’s arousal, whether that’s them simply bargaining for immoderate affectional labour that is often taken from us,’ she explains.

‘We seldom get thing successful return, due to the fact that arsenic women, we are already pre-programmed to beryllium of the content that we are the caregivers and we are ever loving.’

Financial worries

Dating manager and narration adept Sami Wunder is besides seeing akin attitudes from women she’s moving with, with an expanding fig present seeking men with a precocious nett worth. 

‘I specialise successful moving with ambitious nonrecreational women, who mostly besides privation a antheral who earns six figures,’ she tells Metro. ‘I’ve besides had women who said they’re looking for men who person a minimum nett worthy of 3 cardinal plus.’

Sami says she ‘understands’ wherefore radical are looking for richer partners, pointing towards the ongoing economical hardship radical are facing; the Financial Conduct Authority recovered 7.4 cardinal UK adults are struggling to wage bills owed to the precocious outgo of living. However, she admits she finds it ‘sad’ that immoderate radical are becoming wholly reliant connected their spouse erstwhile it comes to their fiscal affairs.

‘This precocious absorption connected utmost wealthiness has made dating superficial,’ she explains. ‘It doesn’t see different factors, specified arsenic however compatible you are long-term.

‘No antheral should ever beryllium your status fund. No antheral should ever beryllium your sickness fund.’

Chidera agrees that you should not beryllium wholly reliant connected a antheral for money. She’s highly palmy successful her ain right; amended known arsenic the Slumflower, she has cultivated a ample societal media following, has written 3 books, fronts her Slumflower Hour podcast and is even hosting a speech successful London’s West End later this year.

She by nary means needs a spouse for wealth – she conscionable wants one.

‘It’s inactive important that you gain you ain money, and person your ain goals, dreams and ambitions,’ Chidera adds.

Maybe, but determination are inactive a ample fig of women who are wholly babelike connected their important different financially; a survey by Fidelity International successful 2022 recovered two-fifths of women ‘do not see themselves financially independent’, portion conscionable implicit 1 successful 10 women uncertainty they ever volition be.

The tendency to find a financially affluent spouse seems a acold outcry from the ‘hustle culture’ that dominated the 2010s. For Dr Corey Wrenn, elder lecturer successful sociology astatine the University of Kent, miss brag civilization is good and genuinely dead.

‘Women successful the UK are astir doubly arsenic apt to beryllium surviving successful poorness than men,’ she explains. ‘Given difficulties women look successful the system fixed persistent sexism and the looming sex wage gap, nary magnitude of ‘girl boss’ volition elevate women’s economical status.

‘Focusing connected the idiosyncratic bureau of a fewer palmy women obscures the systemic sexism that prevents the immense bulk of women—especially those who are racialized, disabled, oregon coming from disadvantaged backgrounds—from ever achieving “girlboss” status.’

 In Sami’s experience, it’s societal media that has fuelled the fig of radical ‘looking for a antheral successful finance’.

‘Instagram is filled with luxury manner influencers, and they’re raising the barroom for what is simply a bully life,’ she explains. ‘And everyone wants a bully beingness now.

‘Some radical conscionable spot a affluent spouse arsenic a speedy summons for this benignant of lifestyle.’

However, for Dr Eliza Filby, historiographer and writer of Inheritocracy: It’s Time to Talk About the Bank of Mum and Dad, the information is simply a small much analyzable than conscionable women wanting a luxurious lifestyle. She points towards stagnating wages; the Economics Observatory recovered existent wages grew by an mean of 33% each decennary from 1970 to 2007; but they are present backmost astatine the level they were astatine successful 2005.

‘People are present looking for richer partners due to the fact that there’s present a wide consciousness of fatigue towards really moving now,’ she explains. ‘Why would you slog your guts retired erstwhile it doesn’t wage good enough?’

The trad woman debate

Dr Filby besides believes that this is wherefore trad woman contented – wherever women cook, cleanable and look aft children astatine location portion their husbands spell retired to enactment – is becoming progressively fashionable connected societal media.

‘We are starting to revere pistillate domesticity, due to the fact that the feminist alternate we were sold which was, let’s spell to work, that women tin bash thing men can, is really conscionable exhausting and that enactment doesn’t pay. It doesn’t bargain america what it bought our parents.’

It is the entree to wealthiness linked to people that is truly what is causing this alteration successful dating behaviours, argues Dr Filby.

‘The self-made antheral doesn’t truly beryllium anymore,’ she explains. ‘The established mediate people person had amended entree to opportunities, which enables them to spell further up the vocation ladder much quickly. A antheral who works successful concern is not arsenic affluent arsenic they utilized to be. When radical accidental they privation to wed rich, they mean they privation established wealth. They privation parental wealth.’

Meanwhile, Dr Wrenn adds that portion moving women are expected to stock fiscal work with their partner, men successful heterosexual relationships don’t needfully stock successful the unpaid home responsibilities: ‘Let’s not hide the immense magnitude of unpaid (and often unrecognised) location enactment and attraction enactment that women are burdened with. The Office of National Statistics estimates women walk 60% much unpaid enactment than men.

‘Most hetero men contiguous deliberation they stock arsenic with their pistillate partner, but probe shows that precise small has changed successful the existent magnitude of feminized labour they prime up. It is absorbing that the speech focuses connected women and their supposedly greedy absorption connected worldly wealth, but we seldom crook the absorption onto men who greedily payment from hours and hours of escaped labour successful the home.’

While immoderate of the connection astir ‘bagging a affluent partner’ whitethorn look regressive, reinforcing outdated stereotypes from a bygone era, Dr Filby adds that we aren’t rather reaching Jane Austen levels of ‘marrying for a dowry’ of regression.

‘Women are coming to matrimony and dating with the level of fiscal independency that we haven’t had before,’ she says, ‘Unlike our mothers, who transferred their benignant of astir apt their fiscal dependence from their fathers to their husbands, we person the state to beryllium choosier with partners, and rightfully so, arsenic the satellite is already truthful stacked against us.’

 However, this insistence connected fiscal transparency from the offset tin unfairly provender into antagonistic sex stereotypes that are being pushed by harmful and deliberately inflammatory voices online, specified arsenic Andrew Tate, warns Dr Wrenn.

‘By framing women arsenic greedy, money-grabbing, golden diggers, men are capable to fundamentally victim-blame women for their forced dependency and strategies of survival,’ Dr Wrenn says.

‘Historically, women person not been paid for their enactment or, if employed, grossly underpaid compared to men. This near them successful an highly susceptible presumption wherever partnering/marrying with a antheral who could financially enactment them was truly the lone mode for a pistillate to past successful a nine that gave women adjacent to nary options for independence.’

With this successful mind, what does the aboriginal of dating look like? Will finances ever beryllium the apical of our priorities erstwhile it comes to uncovering a suitable partner? Dr Filby believes so, if the existent economical clime remains arsenic it is.

‘I deliberation we’ll spot the emergence successful prenups, and not conscionable for joined couples, but cohabiting couples too,’ she says. ‘I deliberation we’re going to beryllium much protective implicit our assets.

‘We besides request to woody with men feeling emasculated implicit a pistillate breadwinner.  We request to beryllium much fluid erstwhile it comes to economical and home contributions to household life.’

But portion finances are important, a antheral earning millions would not outstrip much important factors needed for a coagulated relationship; compatibility, enactment and love.

‘My spouse needs to enactment me, promote maine and assistance maine facilitate my dreams,’ Chidera says. ‘The eventual takeaway has to beryllium if a man’s coming into your life, helium needs to marque it better.’

MORE : I travelled 100 miles to get dumped and person the world’s worst sex

MORE : Degree of debt: ‘I ate 1 repast a time arsenic wealth was truthful choky astatine university’

MORE : I thought my day had ordered an Uber backmost to excavation – past I got successful the car

This tract is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.