I had a stupid row with my 15-year-old brother over dinner – that was the last word I got to say to him, it crushed me

BEN West was conscionable 17-years-old erstwhile the satellite collapsed astir him.

In 2018, whilst revising for his A-Level exams, the teen from Staplehurst, Kent, was near devastated erstwhile helium tragically and unexpectedly mislaid his younger member Sam to suicide. 

His member was conscionable 15-years-old astatine the clip and had been diagnosed with objective depression whilst astatine school.

Now, the Mental Health Campaigner opened up to Fearne Cotton, connected her Happy Place podcast, astir his past speech with his sibling anterior to his death. 

Ben besides discussed the ‘excruciating pain’ of losing a loved 1 to termination and shared however helium present uses humour to assistance pass profoundly traumatic messages.

The author, nationalist talker and alteration maker, who is connected a ngo to ‘improve acquisition and enactment for everyone’, told Fearne: “I deliberation [humour is] truly important for me. 

“Losing idiosyncratic to suicide and going done each this stuff, there’s not truly overmuch amusive to person successful that, it’s not a precise amusive time, but that’s not truly me. 

“I retrieve erstwhile Sam died from suicide, it felt similar a ceremonal sadness and that’s not me.

“I similar having amusive and laughing with radical and truthful from the infinitesimal that this started happening and I started talking astir mental health, I wanted it to beryllium a amusive conversation. I deliberation it’s important to archer that broadside of it arsenic well.”

Ben’s member Sam, who suffered from depression, was conscionable 15-years-old erstwhile helium died.

Ben added: “Sam was diagnosed with objective slump successful September 2017, portion we were some astatine school. 

“When I was increasing up, I had Sam and different member Tom. We were each akin successful property truthful we would play together, messiness astir unneurotic and dilatory implicit clip arsenic we grew older, we conscionable wouldn’t bash that anymore.

“Sam was spending a batch of clip connected his own. He would walk hours, days and days and days conscionable connected his ain successful his country and truly became rather secluded.

“He wouldn’t speech astatine dinner, helium conscionable wouldn’t get involved, helium didn’t person the consciousness of humour that helium utilized to have, with america astatine least. I felt similar I’d mislaid him already.

“Then helium was diagnosed with depression. I ne'er talked to him astir it. That was the past clip slump was ever mentioned.”

Ben got candid connected the value of opening up to those suffering with their intelligence health, arsenic helium confessed: “It makes maine rather bittersweet that I didn't person the cognition of what that was - that he’d been diagnosed with this truly important illness.

“There were moments wherever I felt similar I wanted to speech to him. We would beryllium successful soundlessness and we were some reasoning astir it and wanted to accidental thing but I conjecture that awkwardness of approaching that taxable erstwhile you don’t truly cognize what you’re doing, we ne'er did. 

“That’s a regret I’m ever going to have. 

“That shame of not having that speech astir apt fuelled much of my campaigning than I astir apt admit to. That truly played connected my caput for many, galore years actually.”

THEIR LAST CONVERSATION

Ben bravely recalled his past speech with his brother, arsenic helium admitted: “We were brothers - we argued a lot, got connected rather a lot. 

“But the past happening that happened betwixt maine and Sam, arsenic helium was leaving, I shouted thing aft him, arsenic I was annoyed he’d not been progressive successful dinner. 

“That ended up being the past happening I ever said to him, this heated argument. And that conscionable crushed me.”

And this heated statement would soon beryllium a immense value connected Ben’s shoulders, arsenic helium explained: “When things had started to settle, I remembered what had happened and thought ‘oh my god, helium did it due to the fact that of me, helium did it due to the fact that of that conversation’ and I went into this implicit panic. 

“I conscionable retrieve panicking, feeling that shame and it got truthful intense, I felt similar I couldn’t archer anyone astir it. 

“Bear successful caput we had police, detectives astatine the house, I was similar ‘I’m gonna get arrested, it’s my fault, they’re going to apprehension maine for manslaughter oregon something’.

“It seems silly sitting present saying it but I was truthful convinced that I’d committed a crime that I was perfectly petrified of anyone uncovering out. 

“I really, truly was frightened of going to prison and being arrested for this.

“For a agelong time, it was pretending that I was ok. Luckily for me, my household were incredible, my friends were incredible, I person truthful overmuch awe for however those radical were for me.

“But besides the campaigning started - I realised I needed thing amusive to do. 

“It took maine years, I deliberation 4 years later, idiosyncratic other told maine it wasn’t my fault, and that was the archetypal infinitesimal I truly was good with it not being my fault.” 

Reflecting connected the precise infinitesimal his member was recovered unconscious, Ben acknowledged: “I don’t deliberation radical realise conscionable however perfectly atrocious it is.

“For not conscionable maine and my household but the emergency services, the police, the occurrence brigade, the aerial ambulance, everyone that’s involved, it’s perfectly 1 of the worst things.

“We request to bash something. Without knowing wherefore we request to bash thing and conscionable however devastating and traumatic it is successful that moment, we can’t ever person a due speech astir wherefore we request to halt it.

“I deliberation radical request to recognize what happened. It was conscionable awful, perfectly awful. 

“I thought it was a dream, I was truthful convinced it was a nightmare. That was the opening of a huge, immense alteration successful my life.”

TIME TO TALK

Now, Ben is connected a ngo to promote radical to person much unfastened conversations astir mental health.

He stressed: “It’s truly mean to consciousness tense astir asking radical if they’re good and I don’t deliberation we speech astir that enough. 

“We person to travel up with a spot of a program - spell distant and person a deliberation astir what you’ve noticed.

"Indicate that behaviour and spell into that situation, number down from three, and conscionable accidental what you request to say. 

“Crossing that enactment is the hardest part.”