I know who's REALLY running the White House! KENNEDY's hilarious (and terrifying) warning as Jungle Joe snoozes and World War Three looms

Is anyone other getting superior World War III vibes?

The Russkies are threatening to weaponry US aerial bases successful Poland aft launching nuclear-capable hypersonic missiles astatine Ukraine.

This Putin escalation comes aft a White House determination to greenlight Kyiv's lobbing of long-range American-made rockets into Mad Vlad's backyard, sidesplitting North Korean mercenaries.

Hey, 2024, it's 1914 calling. They privation their planetary insanity back.

At a clip similar this, 1 prays for a dependable manus connected the Oval Office tiller. So, it's excessively atrocious Drowsy Joe's crinkly, sun-spotted digits are excessively slippery with cocoa crystal pick to get a grip.

Who successful God's sanction is truly successful complaint close now, due to the fact that it definite arsenic hellhole can't beryllium Commander-Non-Compos-Mentis?

Biden, who turned 82 connected Wednesday, conscionable sleep-shuffled done an planetary swan opus this week portion visiting Rio de Janeiro for the G20 summit.

The media was truthful hopeless to speech to him that they resorted to penning questions connected signs and screaming similar groupies arsenic helium boarded Air Force One.

'Mr. President, blessed aboriginal birthday. For your birthday, volition you speech to us, sir?' 1 newsman yelled. 'As a acquisition to the press, volition you delight speech to us? Mr. President. President Biden. Please, we haven't heard from you each trip. Mr. President!'

This aging Elvis can't play the hits anymore. Biden showed up precocious to a photo-op with overseas leaders and seemed to rotation into the Amazon jungle similar a somnolent Bagger Vance aft mumbling implicit a pre-prepared script.

Yet somehow, amidst each the doddering, snoozing, aimless staring and pointless posing, Joe signed disconnected connected arming Ukrainian President Zelensky with Uncle Sam's state-of-the-art weaponry.

Well, colour maine skeptical AF.

The determination to authorisation strikes wrong Russian territory is simply a full reversal of Biden's years-long argumentation of pussyfooting appeasement. The information he's approved $275 cardinal of caller weaponry arsenic he's astir to manus implicit the keys to his archnemesis (Trump, not Nancy Pelosi) is adjacent much concerning.

At best, this abrupt displacement is reckless. At worst, it is grounds that the state is truly being led by a hawkish hive of irresponsible and unelected windbags, who are much funny successful cementing their ain legacies than paving the mode for the incoming administration. It's similar taking the atomic shot and going home.

So, who would these statesmanlike string-pullers be?

Perhaps National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan, who memorably declared that the Middle East was 'quieter contiguous than it has been successful 2 decades,' conscionable 8 days earlier October 7.

Or Secretary of State Antony Blinken – the quality equivalent of a lukewarm cupful of Sanka.

Or Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, who whitethorn go AWOL astatine immoderate fixed moment. Or Mayor Pete, inactive connected paternity permission (maybe).

Hey, astatine slightest we cognize it's not Katastrophe Kamala – she's slinked to prima her buns with dumpy nanny-schtupper Doug on a abrogation successful Hawaii.

Which leaves 1 idiosyncratic to usher humanity done this crucible: Dr. Strangelove herself.

Come on, Jill. It's clip to enactment that doctoral grade from the University of Delaware to work!

January 20 can't travel soon enough.

Shiny toy

Kim K took different measurement toward the Madonna portion this week arsenic she posed successful a thong and achromatic puffer overgarment for a series of bizarre snaps alongside 1 of Elon Musk's Tesla bots.

Frankly, it was hard to archer the brace apart. One is simply a synthetic, soulless automaton. The different is simply a robot

Creaking Gaetz 

Who among america hasn't allegedly paid high-rent telephone girls (some perchance underage) tens of thousands of dollars to articulation drug-fueled enactment parties?

When Donald Trump tapped Matt Gaetz for lawyer general, I assumed the President-elect was playing 4D chess. Now I cognize helium was.

In 1 fell swoop, Donald gave his loyal hatchet antheral a plausible mode of slinking retired of Congress, tickled the MAGA basal and emerged looking similar the rationale one.

Who's acceptable for 4 much years of this?

Barron's baggage

A resurfaced clip shows a 3-year-old Barron Trump totting astir with a tiny Louis Vuitton satchel and trilling to his mommy Melania – successful a heavy Slovenian accent – 'I similar my soooootcase!'

It's a bully happening this adorable small duke grew up to beryllium a towering 6'9" hunk. Otherwise, that fancy-pants luggage would get his butt kicked successful the playground.

Defying sanity

In an utterly insane, can't-turn-away interview with Out magazine, 'Wicked' histrion Cynthia Erivo – flanked by her disappearing co-star Ariana Grande – is told by a newsman that 'this week radical are taking the lyrics of "Defying Gravity" and truly holding abstraction with that and feeling powerfulness successful that.'

Erivo, struggling to conscionable the unbelievable gravity of the holding and feeling, is astir moved to tears arsenic she says, ‘I didn’t cognize that was happening… that’s each I wanted.’

Grande, meanwhile, is stunned to soundlessness arsenic she clutches the scale digit of the pistillate who has accidentally created the space-holding and power-feeling.

I'll person immoderate potion these chaotic witches are drinking!

Unhappy meal

What fuels a Deep State-destroying, pesticide-hating, anti-vax freak?

McDonald's, of course.

Health and Human Services Secretary nominee RFK Jr. was pictured connected Trump Force One this week holding up a Quarter Pounder similar a dada holding a soiled diaper.

Bobby, if you're going to enactment successful this administration, you're going to person to devour immoderate sh**.

Ellen's English exit

Ellen DeGeneres and her WAG Portia de Rossi person thrown a woman tantrum and fled the state aft the re-election of Adolf Trump.

They've near down their skinny matcha mochas successful sunny California and bolted for England of each places, joining histrion Eva Longoria successful the increasing database of A-list escapees.

If they're thing similar the Desperate Housewife, they'll beryllium backmost wrong the week. But what if they're serious? After all, they've enactment their Montecito mansion up for sale.

It won't beryllium mislaid connected immoderate that they're leaving down a slew of celeb neighbors, including Harry and Meghan, and moving to the 1 federation that the Sussexes wouldn't situation instrumentality to.