'I'm a shy, new mum trapped at home with my baby and it's driving me mad'

Coleen Nolan advises a stressed-out scholar who is uncovering it truly hard to marque friends connected maternity leave

Dear Coleen

I’m a pistillate successful my aboriginal 30s and conflict with crippling shyness. I precocious became a mum – my girl is six months aged – and I’ve been avoiding each the babe classes arsenic I find it hard to conscionable caller people. I get tongue-tied, accidental anserine things and often spell red.

I cognize I request to propulsion myself retired of my comfortableness zone, though, due to the fact that staying astatine location with the babe is driving maine mad.

I bash person immoderate adjacent friends, but nary of them person children yet, truthful I consciousness benignant of connected my ain with this.

I’ve ever been rather shy – I was the kid astatine schoolhouse who went agleam reddish if a teacher singled maine retired to reply a question.

However, I became much assured arsenic I got older, ­especially erstwhile I went to university. But I’ve been moving astatine location since Covid, truthful I’m not mixing overmuch with colleagues.

Now I’m connected maternity leave portion my hubby is astatine enactment each day. He’s rather outgoing, truthful I usage him arsenic crutch erstwhile we’re retired socially. But this caller signifier of my beingness feels daunting, and I consciousness much chopped disconnected than ever. I anticipation my occupation doesn’t dependable trivial, but I could truly usage immoderate common-sense advice.

Coleen says

It’s not a trivial occupation astatine all, arsenic anyone who’s experienced social anxiety volition archer you. I’m 1 of those people.

Believe it oregon not, erstwhile I’m not doing my occupation connected the telly, I’m really precise shy and find it truly daunting to locomotion into a country afloat of radical I don’t know.

But, the bully quality is that you tin flooded it to a ample grade with practice.

That’s not to accidental it’s not OK to beryllium an introvert – you mightiness beryllium 1 of those radical who is happier successful a tiny radical oregon with a mates of bully friends. The mode I’ve dealt with my shyness is to support going to things and faking confidence, and aft a portion you find it gets easier and you’re not faking it truthful much.

Also, listening to different radical and asking questions is simply a truly bully mode of getting progressive successful a speech without the spotlight being connected you.

I besides recovered becoming a mum helped maine due to the fact that we link implicit our kids and mums are precise supportive of each other.

Then erstwhile my kids went to nursery and school, I got to cognize the mums of their friends and it was a precise earthy mode to get to cognize people.

So, propulsion yourself a small spot retired of your comfortableness portion if you tin and possibly perpetrate to 1 parent and babe people a week. Trust me, you’ll consciousness welcomed and your absorption volition beryllium the baby.

Also, determination are loads of bully books and podcasts to assistance with however you’re feeling – person a hunt online and find a mates you like.

And determination are loads of parenting enactment groups online and connected societal media wherever you tin marque connections.

Don’t beryllium excessively hard connected yourself – instrumentality babe steps and punctual yourself that you’re doing a large occupation of being a mum.