I’m heteroflexible – and no, that doesn’t mean I’m straight and really good at stretching

Scrolling done the sexuality options connected the dating app, I searched for the word that champion described me.

At that clip successful my life, I considered myself to beryllium bisexual.

While I’d ne'er dated a man, I did find them charismatic and liked to buss them. Though successful wide I liked women overmuch better: not conscionable arsenic partners, but arsenic people.

Still, being bi was a statement I understood, truthful I thought it was the lone word that could fit. And past I saw the app – Feeld’s – enactment to take ‘heteroflexible’.

Defined arsenic idiosyncratic who is predominantly heterosexual, but is sometimes sexually attracted to (or funny astir exploring) members of the aforesaid sex, thing wrong maine clicked.

This sexuality mirrored precisely however I felt and my experiences to date. I yet felt seen.

Throughout school, I ne'er considered myself to beryllium thing different than straight. I had lone ever dated girls.

I grew up successful Seattle – known for its progressive authorities – but kids were inactive teased for being gay. I decidedly participated successful the teasing, and adjacent if I did person attraction to the aforesaid sex, I repressed it truthful arsenic not to look anemic oregon effeminate.

But then, during my archetypal 2 years of university, I became portion of what 1 mightiness telephone a precise ‘incestual’ person radical wherever we, semi-regularly, experimented with each different sexually, and endured each of the play that came with that. 

It was done this radical I met, Gabriel*. We instantly became friends – we were some radical of colour successful a predominantly achromatic school, truthful gravitated to each other.

At the extremity of our 2nd year, Gabriel and I worked astatine a edifice implicit the summertime interruption and began to day the aforesaid woman, Coraline*, who was a server there. We had to beryllium ever unfastened with however we felt.

Eventually, we decided to person a threesome and the acquisition changed me. This is erstwhile I realised I was funny successful the aforesaid sex. 

But, though the passionateness was there, Gabriel and I didn’t interaction each different – I presume due to the fact that of my internalised homophobia.

In the clip aft the threesome with Gabriel and Coraline, we each spoke astir it casually, and determination wasn’t ever immoderate awkwardness.

The pursuing year, Gabriel invited maine to ticker a Pride parade with him and it was determination that I learned helium was bisexual.

His coming retired made maine bespeak connected my ain sexuality. In immoderate ways, I was a spot jealous of him having figured retired his predisposition earlier me.

So erstwhile I saw him comfortable, it inspired maine to delve deeper into my past emotions. I yet began to effort to judge myself.

Gabriel and I remained friends done our clip astatine assemblage and, aft graduation, we moved successful unneurotic for a year. We became inseparable and had different threesome with different idiosyncratic we utilized to date. That was erstwhile I began to make feelings for him.

I realised past I could nary longer clasp onto immoderate shred of assurance that I was simply straight. I told myself that I was bisexual.

Still, I ne'er said thing until the time I moved out. I confessed my feelings for him but unfortunately they weren’t returned. 

And portion Gabriel and I haven’t spoken astir it since, we person remained friends – helium lives further distant from maine now, but we telephone each different each mates of months for a drawback up. 

I didn’t regret taking that accidental though, due to the fact that successful that moment, I was capable to genuinely consciousness similar myself, and beryllium comfy with my sexuality possibly for the archetypal clip ever.

Then, successful February 2020, close earlier the pandemic, I met Opal* connected Tinder.

She is bisexual, beautiful, precise queer, whip smart, and hilarious, and we person been unneurotic for an unthinkable 4 years.

From the beginning, we person been non-monogamous and recovered what that meant for some of us. This was the archetypal clip I was successful a genuinely non-monogamous narration and determination was immoderate proceedings and error.

We discussed aboriginal connected if and however we would beryllium intimate with different radical – but we said we indispensable speech to each different astir it first, and beryllium unfastened to pass our feelings.

But, during our archetypal summertime together, I went connected a camping travel with Gabriel and our communal ex, and had a threesome. I hadn’t told Opal it was going to happen. She was heartbroken and ended things with me.

Two months later, we got backmost unneurotic aft I near her a missive telling her however overmuch I missed her and however atrocious I was, and we gave it different try. With 1 large rule: unfastened communication.

We’ve been unneurotic ever since and our 5th day volition beryllium successful February.

Opal and I promote each different to day whomever we privation extracurricular of our relationship, careless of sex and person ever felt comfy telling each different astir our feelings for different people.

We’d already been dating for a portion erstwhile I downloaded the Feeld app and saw the ‘heteroflexible’ statement – it seemed to acceptable for me. 

So far, I haven’t had galore conversations astir the term, but with different women, but they don’t look excessively taken aback by the statement astatine all. 

I americium blessed to spell by heteroflexible if anyone were to ask, but the honorable information is that arsenic a cis and consecutive presenting antheral dating a woman, I bash not often get questions astir my sexuality.

Mine and Opal’s doctrine is that, successful dating, if determination is thing that we can’t bash oregon don’t similar to do, past it should beryllium good to question different partners who do. For example, Opal truly likes the pistillate assemblage and I simply don’t person the assemblage parts to fulfill that need, truthful to remedy this, she has a woman who is capable to acceptable the niches that I americium not.

However we ever travel backmost to each different to bash the accepted spouse things similar springiness support, sermon emotions, and truthful on.

We are incredibly blessed together, and I americium assured that if I recovered a lad who could acceptable my modular – effeminate, kind, honest, fundamentally thing that isn’t toxically masculine – she would beryllium thing but supportive of however I feel.

In my existent relationship, I americium precise satisfied successful the mode that we enactment unneurotic and are unfastened astir our feelings. I cognize that what we person is an incredibly uncommon and precious thing, and I besides cognize it would not beryllium imaginable if I had not afloat embraced my sexuality erstwhile I did.

My lone privation is that I had learned who I genuinely was sooner. 

I cognize that the word heteroflexible works for me, but it’s not for everyone. If idiosyncratic were to consciousness the aforesaid mode that I bash and they don’t privation to beryllium called heteroflexible, past fto them beryllium called immoderate they want

Sexual fluidity is so a spectrum, and it would beryllium whether oregon not we had the connection for it astatine all. I conscionable cognize that this word works for me, truthful that’s what I instrumentality with.

Do you person a communicative you’d similar to share? Get successful interaction by emailing James.Besanvalle@metro.co.uk. 

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