I’m married but I’ve fallen in love with a trans woman

DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I don’t privation to interruption up my family, I’ve fallen successful emotion with a trans woman.

We’ve been having an matter for six months. I cognize I request to marque a determination astir whether to permission my woman for her, but I support changing my mind. 

I’m 45 and my woman is 43. We person 2 superior aged children.

My person is 32. 

Over the past fewer years I’ve been precise dissatisfied with my marriage. The spark has gone, particularly successful the bedroom.

Last year, I started going connected dating sites, astatine archetypal conscionable to look. I didn’t mean to person an affair, fto unsocial autumn successful emotion with anyone. 

But aft a portion I started messaging a mates of women. One of them looked similar a exemplary - retired of my league - and I thought she’d ne'er beryllium funny successful me.

But she made maine consciousness ‘seen’ and understood, successful a mode my woman doesn’t.

After we’d talked for a fewer weeks, she admitted she was trans. She thought that would scare maine off, but it didn’t. 

I told her I’m open-minded and didn’t care. We past agreed to meet.

The archetypal time, we didn’t adjacent person sex, we conscionable talked for hours.

Since then, we’ve enjoyed a afloat intersexual relationship, and I spot her whenever I can. 

I hatred sneaking astir and lying to my wife. I cognize my kids volition beryllium devastated and won’t understand. 

But I emotion this woman.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right: you request to marque a determination either to extremity your affair, oregon permission your woman for her.

If you don’t, it’s lone a substance of clip earlier you get caught.

You’ve been with your woman for a agelong time, truthful it’s earthy that your narration with her isn’t arsenic breathtaking oregon fulfilling arsenic with your lover.

Rather than cheating, it would person been amended to speech to her and enactment connected your marriage.

Now you request to inquire yourself if you truly consciousness you person a aboriginal with your lover, and if she’s worthy throwing distant your matrimony and kids for. 

Perhaps it’s a bully thought to measurement backmost from the matter for a while, truthful you person immoderate abstraction to think.

Counselling could beryllium helpful. 

Read my enactment pack, Torn betwixt Two Women, for assistance making your decision.