'I mistook friendship for love – but I don't want to hurt my wife if I walk away'

Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has proposal for a scholar successful his 30s who wants to extremity his matrimony but is agonising implicit hurting his woman and family's feelings

Dear Coleen

I’m a antheral successful my 30s and I’ve been agonising implicit my matrimony for immoderate time. We’ve lone been joined 2 years, but I cognize this narration isn’t for me.

I met my woman done enactment and we got connected large and had a batch of fun, and past everything happened rapidly – moving successful together, engagement and marriage.

We don’t person children which I’m relieved about, fixed however I feel. My woman is an astonishing person, but I don’t emotion her successful the mode I should and successful the mode she deserves to beryllium loved.

I accidental I had immoderate doubts earlier we married, but I enactment them down to wedding nerves and friends kept telling maine it was mean to get the jitters oregon acold feet earlier the large day.

But I deliberation I mistook heavy relationship and amusive for the existent thing. I’ve ne'er been unfaithful and don’t privation to spell down that route, but I person met idiosyncratic other I’ve fallen for successful a large way.

The archetypal clip I saw her, it was a stop-the-clocks infinitesimal and each I wanted to bash was beryllium adjacent her and get to cognize her.

I’ve ne'er felt that mode astir my wife. Meeting this pistillate has confirmed what I already knew – that I request to get retired of this marriage. I consciousness sick due to the fact that I bash emotion my woman and her family.

I cognize I’m going to interruption hearts and upset a batch of people. Please springiness maine immoderate advice.

Coleen says

Don’t person an matter – enactment immoderate ideas of a narration with this different pistillate firmly successful the inheritance until you’ve had a speech with your woman and told her however you feel.

I’m acrophobic there’s nary mode of ending your matrimony without breaking your wife’s heart, but I cognize it would beryllium a large woody worse if she recovered retired you were having an affair.

Usually, I’d suggest having therapy to spot if there’s a mode of salvaging the ­relationship, but if you’re genuinely not happy, not successful emotion and can’t spot a mode back, that’s what you person to say. It is horrible breaking someone’s bosom but, successful the agelong run, honesty is ever the champion policy. However, I wouldn’t notation this different pistillate – thing has happened yet and it would lone beryllium twisting the knife.

You request to support the absorption connected your narration and wherefore it’s not moving for you.

But, I’d urge sitting with the thought of ending your matrimony for a while. Make definite it’s not a head-turning infinitesimal wherever this different pistillate seems truthful charismatic arsenic she’s unavailable to you.

Imagine your beingness without your woman successful it. Will you person immoderate regrets? Will you miss her? What I’m saying is, don’t marque immoderate hasty decisions that you mightiness regret later. And if your woman suggests therapy, I deliberation you should effort it due to the fact that it mightiness not support you together, but it tin assistance you to separate.