I told my date about past trauma and his response was unsettling

It each started with spilled yoghurt. 

I archetypal came crossed Rob* connected a fashionable dating app, aft helium messaged maine and joked astir 1 of my photos wherever I had yoghurt successful my hair. 

We had an instant connection. Rob seemed amusive and smart, and had a bully occupation involving caring for people that made maine deliberation helium indispensable beryllium a bully person. 

He was a azygous father, which I was blessed astir arsenic I emotion kids, and he was my age, successful his 40s, which I liked due to the fact that I usually get deed connected by guys aged capable to beryllium my dad.

We rapidly switched to messaging connected WhatsApp, exchanging dependable notes – helium had a beauteous dependable – and past helium asked to talk connected the phone. We talked for astir an hour, and I started to consciousness excited. 

Rob and I arranged a day for a week’s time, and chatted lots successful the tally up, getting to cognize each different more. 

Until we met, the lone happening that gave maine the ick was that Rob’s connection was strangely aged fashioned. And I don’t mean similar ‘from the 1960s.’ I mean mediaeval.

When helium was frustrated, helium would exclaim, ‘Botheration!’ 

He besides liked to telephone maine ‘lady’. When I said I was going to furniture aboriginal 1 night, helium wrote back, ‘Then I shall bid you goodnight, lady’. 

It each reminded maine of the Knights of the Round Table.

But it was specified a small, harmless quirk that I decided to place it.

On the time of the date, I was some excited and tense arsenic I made the hour-long travel to Rob’s country of London, wherever we met astatine a fancy café. 

When we spotted 1 another, I felt attraction walk betwixt us. He was a batch taller than me, which I liked. So far, truthful good. 

And, for a mates of hours, I thought Rob was amazing. As our day progressed, determination was nary motion of the old-fashioned connection creeping into our conversation, which I was relieved about, and helium seemed compassionate and listened truthful good that I was incredibly open, telling him each astir my life. 

I was truthful excited, I wasn’t truly concentrating connected drinking my beverage successful a ladylike way, and even spilt a small connected the table.

I wanted to extremity the day asap, truthful I could get distant from him

Rob revealed that helium had had issues with his intelligence health.

I empathised and felt comfy capable to uncover details of my ain traumatic youth: that my precocious dada had been physically convulsive and emotionally abusive. 

Opening up, I told Rob that my dada called me disgusting, revolting and said I made him sick. He would deed maine implicit the tiniest errors: similar wearing apparel sloppily, oregon spilling my juice.

To my full daze and horror, Rob’s effect was to laugh.

He said: ‘Well, your dada wouldn’t beryllium precise blessed with the magnitude of beverage you’ve spilt today, would he?!’

I astir physically reeled. It was incredibly upsetting – I couldn’t judge he’d made a gag retired of my suffering.

I wanted to extremity the day asap, truthful I could get distant from him. So I drank the beverage precise fast, and ironically managed to spill it again, which Rob recovered amusing.

For hours, I had thought we were going to participate a relationship, so I tried to pull him. All of a sudden, I had to bash the opposite. I told him my borderline property upset (BPD) meant it was astir intolerable for maine to person a superior relationship. 

While this is true, I was lone telling this to Rob to enactment him off.

I suggested that we could beryllium friends due to the fact that I was hopeless to debar getting romantically involved, but said I didn’t deliberation a narration could enactment – it mightiness interaction his ain intelligence health. I wanted to amusement I was empathetic astir his struggles, dissimilar his absorption to mine. 

Rob conscionable shrugged and nodded.

After I left, I felt sick and knew I ne'er wanted to spot him again, truthful I messaged him: ‘Hey, it was beauteous to conscionable you, but aft overmuch thought I deliberation I’d amended absorption connected my work. I’m definite you’ll conscionable the close miss soon! Take care.’

His effect was adjacent worse – helium wrote backmost assuming that this rejection was owed to my BPD. 

I wanted to archer him it wasn’t owed to my condition, but his heartlessness. 

He added: ‘I won’t beryllium blocking you, that’s for sure.’ But I truly wished helium had. He ne'er tried to get backmost successful interaction – and I blocked him instead.

Soon aft the date, I cancelled my dating app subscription. The incidental made maine consciousness genuinely sad, and enactment maine disconnected gathering guys successful the future. 

I conjecture astatine slightest Rob showed his existent colours early. 

He whitethorn person spoken similar thing from King Arthur – but he was nary knight successful shining armour.

*Name has been changed

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