I wanted to propose to my girlfriend – but then she cheated on me with man she met at bar

DEAR DEIDRE: ALL I privation is to yet suggest to my girlfriend, but nary substance what I do, I can’t get past her sleeping with idiosyncratic else.

I cognize she regrets it, and portion she has done each she tin to marque it up to me, it’s perpetually playing connected my mind.

I’m 32, she’s 29, and we’ve been unneurotic for 4 years.

Since the infinitesimal we met, we’ve been inseparable, and I genuinely judge that she’s my person.

She ne'er gave maine a azygous crushed not to spot her, and nary portion of maine believed she could betray me.

Yet, a twelvemonth and a fractional ago, erstwhile she went retired to observe a friend’s birthday, she didn’t instrumentality home.

I assumed she had stayed implicit astatine her mate’s house, but my bosom was shattered erstwhile she came backmost ­crying and confessed she had cheated connected maine with idiosyncratic she had met astatine a bar.

At the clip our narration was flourishing, and we’d conscionable moved successful together, truthful it truly threw a spanner successful the works.

While it wounded maine deeply, we decided to enactment unneurotic and enactment things done due to the fact that of however overmuch we loved each other.

Honestly, things person been overmuch better, and the spot has started to turn back, but contempt each my efforts, it inactive bothers me.

I privation to instrumentality the next measurement successful our relationship, but I’m disquieted that I’m ne'er going to fto spell of what she did.

DEIDRE SAYS: How tin I determination connected from this?

The mode you’re feeling is perfectly natural. Fully moving connected from a betrayal and rebuilding spot successful a relationship tin sometimes instrumentality years.

The champion happening you tin bash is beryllium honorable with your woman and explicate however you’ve been feeling.

Tell her however overmuch her infidelity hurt you and that you’re having a hard clip letting it go.

With unfastened connection and honesty, it is imaginable to marque it past this, but it volition beryllium thing you’ll request to bash together.

Consider arranging counselling unneurotic via Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).

My enactment pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, volition besides assistance you to enactment done things.

In the meantime, enactment your connection plans connected hold. It’s important you hole the problems successful your narration earlier making immoderate large decisions.

FOUR YEARS ON, MY GRIEF FOR BRO IS STILL AS BAD

DEAR DEIDRE: IT’S been 4 years since my member took his life, and my grief inactive feels arsenic dense arsenic the time it happened.

Every greeting I aftermath up dreading the time ahead, and nary substance what I do, I conscionable can’t determination connected with my life.

I’m 52, and my member was 49 erstwhile I mislaid him.

Since we were kids, we were ever truthful close, and I would adjacent spell arsenic acold arsenic to telephone him my champion friend.

I knew he’d been struggling with his mental health for a while, but I’d helped him get into therapy, and I thought things were improving, truthful the news of his termination shook maine to my core.

To this time I inactive can’t get implicit the information that helium is really gone, and it’s truly taking its toll connected me.

I miss him truthful much, and consciousness truthful blameworthy that I didn’t bash capable to prevention him.

I cognize helium would privation maine to beryllium happy, but I’m miserable. How bash I determination on?

DEIDRE SAYS: You person experienced a unspeakable nonaccomplishment successful specified a tragic way, truthful it’s not astonishing you’re inactive uncovering it hard to cope.

Grief is simply a agelong journey, and adjacent years aboriginal it tin inactive consciousness overwhelming, truthful cognize that you are not alone.

See my enactment pack, Coping With Bereavement, and see contacting a grief counsellor to speech things through.

Sue Ryder (sueryder.org) offers escaped counselling. Also see talking to your GP.

MY NEW FELLA IS MOVING TOO FAST

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER galore failed toxic relationships, I person yet met a decent feline who I tin spot a future with – but I’m disquieted things are moving excessively fast.

He is everything I’ve ever wanted and, portion I don’t privation to self-sabotage, the breakneck velocity our narration is processing astatine is making maine consciousness nether unit and adjacent a small suffocated.

I’m 27, he’s 29, and we’ve been seeing 1 different for six months.

After aggregate atrocious experiences I had sworn disconnected dating but, erstwhile we met astatine a wedding, our chemistry was undeniable.

We became precise serious, precise fast. Within the archetypal month, helium told maine helium loved me, and present helium is adjacent talking astir moving successful unneurotic and looking astatine engagement rings.

While it’s truthful nice to yet beryllium with idiosyncratic who is susceptible of commitment, immoderate inheritance alarm bells are ringing for me.

I don’t cognize if I’m creating thing retired of nothing, but this feels similar excessively much, excessively soon.

The past happening I privation is to propulsion him away, but I’m starting to consciousness truthful pressured.

I don’t cognize what to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: When we’ve had atrocious experiences successful the past, it’s mean to person anxieties and find it hard to spot again.

While it’s imaginable your worries are rooted successful aged wounds, it could besides beryllium that you’re recognising aboriginal informing signs.

Moving excessively fast, excessively soon, tin sometimes beryllium the effect of emotion bombing, which is simply a benignant of affectional manipulation.

Take a measurement backmost and explicate to your spouse that you request to instrumentality things much dilatory if your narration is going to work. If he’s the close person, he’ll understand.

My enactment pack, How To Look After Your Relationship, volition assistance you to person this speech with him.