Like EastEnders’ Sonia, I was in prison while pregnant – it was dehumanising

I retrieve my archetypal nighttime successful prison vividly. I felt disoriented, paranoid and anxious, with nary thought what to expect. If everything wasn’t already overwhelming, I past discovered I was pregnant. What should person been joyous quality was alternatively terrifying.

I had to archer my spouse that our archetypal kid mightiness beryllium calved successful prison. He began preparing himself mentally to beryllium a azygous father, believing helium would person to rise the babe connected his own.   

In a concern mirroring my ain successful galore ways, I was some shocked and strangely excited erstwhile I heard that Sonia Fowler (Natalie Cassidy) from EastEnders was large successful prison. Like Sonia, I was held successful situation earlier trial, and I was large too. 

In the soap, the interaction situation is having connected Sonia is visible: she looks exhausted, stressed and malnourished. That reflects reality, arsenic determination is nary comfortableness successful prison. I retrieve however overmuch my assemblage ached arsenic it pressed against the unforgiving metallic slats of the bed. The acold was relentless, and each we were fixed was a level expanse and a bladed hospital-style blanket. A duvet wasn’t considered a necessity. 

There is nary nutritious nutrient successful prison, not adjacent for large women. There was nary caller effect oregon vegetables, and I retrieve the potatoes being covered successful mud.  

Sonia besides voices her fears astir the information that large women successful situation are doubly arsenic apt to springiness commencement prematurely. This struck maine deeply, arsenic it’s a world I tin subordinate to: each time I was large successful situation I was disquieted astir what would hap to my baby.  

One time, I adjacent had a aesculapian emergency. During my archetypal trimester, I woke up successful the nighttime with terrible cramps. I was truthful disquieted I was miscarrying. I rang the buzzer for assistance and explained my symptoms, but determination were nary aesculapian unit disposable astatine night. Whether I would beryllium taken to infirmary was up to the situation officers. 

Hours later, officers yet escorted maine to the infirmary successful handcuffs. It was truthful dehumanising, and the officers were much acrophobic astir being precocious location than the information of my baby. Their deficiency of empathy was crushing, and I wasn’t allowed to interaction my spouse to archer him what was happening. 

At the infirmary we went to, the aboriginal gestation portion wasn’t unfastened astatine weekends, and I was told to travel backmost connected Monday. On the mode backmost to prison, 1 serviceman said, ‘Maybe this isn’t meant to be.’ I was stunned. How could idiosyncratic accidental that? I aboriginal filed a complaint, but thing came of it. 

That night, backmost successful my cell, I cried for hours. I was consumed with fearfulness that my babe was gone. Without entree to my household oregon a backstage scan, I felt powerless and scared.  

The isolation from your loved ones is 1 of the hardest parts of prison. The scenes of Sonia successful situation are each erstwhile she’s being visited by spouse Reiss Colwell (Jonny Freeman). People presume situation visits are moments of joyousness and a accidental to reconnect with loved ones. In reality, they’re immoderate of the hardest moments to endure. Visits springiness you a achy glimpse of everything you’re missing.  

When you’re connected remand similar I was, the lone upside is that you’re entitled to unlimited visits, but adjacent that doesn’t comparison to the comfortableness you’d consciousness being kept connected bail successful the community. 

The deficiency of carnal transportation during visits is different harsh world the amusement portrays well. Sonia meets her spouse during the scene, and arsenic helium leans successful to hug her, she stops him, saying, ‘No Reiss, you can’t.’  

This brought backmost vivid memories for me. Long hugs were prohibited owed to ‘security concerns.’ Officers claimed prolonged interaction could beryllium utilized to smuggle contraband, but for those of america inside, it was conscionable different mode of stripping america of basal quality comfort. Sometimes, each you truly request is simply a hug. 

With the constricted clip they have, I deliberation EastEnders is doing a commendable occupation of capturing the harsh realities of being large successful prison. It’s raw, emotional, and painfully accurate.  

I’m besides gladsome they’re covering the shocking world of large women being held successful situation earlier their trial. Many radical don’t cognize this happens; I privation I had been kept astatine location connected bail instead. 

Prison is nary spot for large women. It strips you of autonomy, ignores your needs, and reduces you to conscionable different number. Basic connection and attraction are lacking.  

Years later, I inactive deliberation astir my acquisition — however preventable truthful overmuch of the symptom and disorder was. This is wherefore I present campaign with Level Up to extremity the imprisonment of large women.  

When my lawsuit went to trial, arsenic Sonia’s volition this week, I was recovered not blameworthy and released home. Thankfully, I gave commencement to my babe safely, successful a hospital. I anticipation that the aforesaid happens for Sonia.

Do you person a communicative you’d similar to share? Get successful interaction by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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