'Movember is the reason my mum and dad still have a son - it saved my life'

A 24-year-old antheral who attempted to take his ain life has revealed however helium turned his "pain into purpose" and has sent a connection to others going done hard time.

Rob Mathews, from Peebles, Scotland, decided to stock his communicative to promote different men to talk up astir their struggles and cognize that "it's good not to beryllium okay." He revealed that the modulation from assemblage "into the existent world", combined with a toxic relationship, near him feeling astatine "a constituent of no-return" - but thankfully, with the assistance of his friends, household and planetary men's wellness foundation Movember, helium tin present rise consciousness astir the issues helium faced.

In an exclusive interrogation with The Mirror, Rob said: "Around June past year, I attempted to instrumentality my ain life. I deliberation transitioning retired of university, being a postgraduate moving into the existent world and getting retired of an abusive and toxic narration conscionable led maine to a constituent of no-return, wherever though I had assistance available, I wasn't utilizing the close assistance and benignant of isolated myself, which yet led to maine attempting to instrumentality my ain life."

Rob, who is an ambassador and fundraiser for Movember, said that a mates of months aboriginal helium started feeling amended and decided to commencement grooming with the extremity of moving 2 ultra-marathons successful 2 days to rise consciousness of men's intelligence wellness and the enactment that the foundation does. It was astatine this constituent that helium decided to stock his communicative connected societal media - and with the assistance of his loved ones, helium raised £2,000 for Movember up of the marathons, which helium completed successful May this year.

When helium decided to stock his acquisition online, lone 1 idiosyncratic adjacent to him was alert of the intelligence wellness struggles helium had been facing, Rob said. However, helium revealed that putting his communicative retired determination felt "empowering" and "enlightening" arsenic helium knew it would person helped different people.

For Rob, 1 of the main challenges was uncovering idiosyncratic who had been done akin experiences, arsenic helium said: "The main happening for maine was erstwhile struggling I couldn't find anyone going done thing akin online. The things that travel up erstwhile typing intelligence wellness online are often based astir women, there's not a batch astir men."

In November, much men clasp their moustaches arsenic portion of Movember, a men's intelligence wellness run that was initially launched successful Melbourne, Australia, and has present been moving for implicit 20 years. The run encourages men to turn a moustache for the period of Movember arsenic "a almighty awesome that stands for healthier men and a healthier world."

As an ambassador of Movember and idiosyncratic who has a moustache each twelvemonth round, Rob said sharing his communicative publically was important. He revealed: "It felt similar I owed it to my younger aforesaid and to the idiosyncratic that attempted to instrumentality their ain life. Instead of seeing it arsenic a burden, it was a privilege that I was capable to stock my ain communicative and hopefully halt idiosyncratic other from doing what I attempted to do. As guys, we each accidental we request to speech and communicate, but I felt similar I needed to beryllium the archetypal among my friends to talk up and unfastened up, being the conversation-starter."

He said revealing that helium had tried to instrumentality his ain beingness was "a shock" for a batch of radical adjacent to him who "didn't person immoderate idea" astir what helium had been going through. He said: "Some of my champion friends had nary thought astatine all." Rob said helium was amazed arsenic aft sharing his story, galore radical opened up to him, including immoderate helium hadn't been successful interaction with for years, specified arsenic aged rugby teammates oregon friends helium hadn't spoken to since school.

He said: "Everyone I had interacted with had chosen maine to interact with oregon to stock their ain stories. My adjacent mates would spell like, 'Thank you for starting this conversation.' The results person been thing but affirmative from doing so."

Rob said it's important for men to "recognise and basal beardown successful vulnerability" - arsenic based connected his ain experience, men tin inactive look intelligence wellness challenges and consciousness depressed contempt doing "all the close things" specified arsenic exercising, looking aft their nutrition and sleeping regularly. He said 1 of the challenges men look is admitting that they request much help, which helium described arsenic a motion of strength. Rob said: "I deliberation changing that position and communicative is thing men deficiency and conflict with."

Talking astir what Movember has taught him, Rob said it's important "to ever inquire twice" - and ne'er halt astatine a superficial reply idiosyncratic mightiness give. He said Movember besides taught him to pass with radical successful a much effective, acknowledgment to the ALEC model, and having "shoulder-to-shoulder" alternatively than eye-to-eye conversations. Being shoulder-to-shoulder, for illustration portion driving, walking oregon astatine the pub, Rob said, tin assistance men unfastened up more.

Rob was already alert of Movember and was progressive with the foundation earlier attempting to instrumentality his ain life. And for this reason, helium said it's important to cheque successful with your antheral friends, arsenic being alert of intelligence wellness issues doesn't mean they won't look immoderate problems.

For him, Movember and the consciousness it raises are cardinal arsenic helium declared: "Movember is the crushed my mum and dada inactive person a son." He added: "I laughter due to the fact that it's a dodgy moustache that I person each twelvemonth round, but that's what it represents. To maine it means I inactive person a family, my mum and dada inactive person son, my member has inactive got maine arsenic a brother, teammates person inactive got maine arsenic a teammate. That's wherefore it's important to me."

And helium added: "I couldn't ideate myself not being progressive [with Movember] now." Rob said his acquisition besides changed the mode helium looks astatine beingness and relationships arsenic helium antecedently felt similar helium "didn't person a choice" and others would often marque decisions for him - but helium present feels much successful power of his ain communicative and, importantly, helium feels much gratitude for the astir elemental things, from going for a locomotion to talking to a friend.

He said: "I'm much grateful and appreciative for the astir mundane and boring things successful the world. I deliberation what radical don't recognize with slump is for me, arsenic idiosyncratic with precocious functioning depression, I was inactive doing everything you should beryllium doing but determination wasn't that enjoyment there. Whereas present that has changed, I tin conscionable my friends for a java and that's the item of my day.

"I tin spell connected a locomotion and conscionable consciousness that caller air, and it's amazing. I tin work a publication and conscionable admit that. With relationships, I tin present recognize radical a batch more, I person much patience and I recognize and person a genuine attraction for people." High functioning slump is a word utilized to picture radical who are capable to proceed with their regular tasks portion experiencing intelligence wellness issues.

Rob added: "Everything is simply a blessing now, due to the fact that I shouldn't beryllium here. And I'm precise fortunate that my effort was unsuccessful truthful that I'm inactive here. You ne'er genuinely cognize what anyone is going through, truthful so springiness radical clip and space." He continued: "You person a prime to crook your symptom into purpose."

He besides praised Movember Conversations - a instrumentality that helps anyone start a speech with idiosyncratic they deliberation whitethorn beryllium struggling - which helium said could person helped him portion helium was going done a hard time. Rob said helium archetypal heard of Movember erstwhile helium was successful secondary schoolhouse arsenic his older member was portion of a rugby squad and came location with a moustache successful November - but erstwhile astatine university, helium started to recognize much of the rationale and the goals of the campaign.

Sending a connection to different men who conflict with their intelligence health, Rob said: "You person a choice, you person the prime of turning symptom into purpose. You aren't defined by what you've through, by your struggles. You tin marque those your higher intent and the crushed you succeed. I ever deliberation of that arsenic the turning constituent successful the publication wherever you tin present go the champion mentation of yourself. A breakdown is often a breakthrough."

Figures shared by Movember amusement that much than 13 men instrumentality their ain beingness successful the UK each time - and 3 retired of 4 deaths by termination successful the state are by men. Suicide is the starring origin of decease successful men aged betwixt 20 and 34, the foundation warned.

Movember besides said that a lad calved successful the UK successful 2021 volition beryllium expected to unrecorded 5.1 years little than a girl. The foundation added that 2 successful 5 men successful the state dice prematurely from mostly preventable reasons. And contempt advancements successful healthcare, the UK is 1 of lone 2 countries successful the G7 wherever antheral beingness expectancy has decreased since 2012.

Tom Ellis, who is Movember's Global Director for Young Men's Health Literacy Initiative, told The Mirror that men spell done antithetic challenges astatine antithetic stages successful their beingness - from accent linked to schoolhouse oregon assemblage to struggles with assemblage image, relationships, beingness changes, fatherhood oregon divorces. He said Movember works successful a preventative mode arsenic it aims to assistance young men navigate their accent successful their life.

Talking astir the value of Movember, Tom, 43, explained: "Men are much apt to person a sedentary lifestyle, prosecute successful much risky behaviour, smoke, person precocious humor pressure, little carnal fittingness and mediocre nutrition. All those things tin lend to mediocre wellness and each of them lend to intelligence health." He added: "In general, men are little apt to question assistance erstwhile they request it."

This means they don't ever get aboriginal diagnoses and erstwhile it comes to intelligence health, determination is simply a hazard of processing much superior problems. Tom said the intelligence wellness strategy besides "doesn't respond precise well" to men - and said determination is much enactment to beryllium done "to assistance the healthcare strategy beryllium much responsive to gender."

Movember has raised implicit £873.9 cardinal for men's health, with funds helping present much than 1,320 men's wellness projects astir the world. In the UK, 1 of the examples is Ahead of the Game, a younker and intelligence wellness programme that teaches players, parents, coaches, umpires and volunteers to recognize intelligence health, physique intelligence fittingness and fortify resilience. Thanks to the programme layers larn however to woody with challenges successful some athletics and life.

Tom besides said Movember's Spot the Signs initiative, provides adjuvant guides to assistance radical announcement and cheque successful with idiosyncratic who is behaving retired of character, is cardinal to rise consciousness of intelligence wellness issues. Movember besides encourages radical to beryllium alert of the ALEC model, a cardinal speech strategy that tin assistance radical unfastened up astir their intelligence wellness and the difficulties they spell through.

Movember is present talking to the authorities to lobby for a intelligence wellness strategy, Tom said, including a objective manager of intelligence wellness and backing that tin assistance men woody with their struggles. Tom added: "You often perceive men say, 'I haven't been to the doctors successful years', arsenic if it was a motion of strength, and really I deliberation that's 1 of the things we request to change.

"I deliberation consciousness of the occupation is bully but we request to determination beyond saying to men 'You request to talk.' We request to assistance them to talk. There's enactment to bash successful changing the landscape, providing the situation wherever men tin consciousness similar they tin unfastened up and consciousness that, if they unfastened up, they're going to person the close assistance and radical are going to beryllium receptive of it. We each person a relation to play successful spotting the motion of mediocre intelligence health."

What is the ALEC model?

Having conversations astir intelligence wellness tin marque a important quality and whitethorn conscionable prevention a life. Movember recommends pursuing the ALEC model to assistance navigate a speech with idiosyncratic who whitethorn beryllium struggling.

It means:

A: Ask

L: Listen

E: Encourage action

C: Check-in

The archetypal point, ASK, encourages radical to speech to their antheral friends and loved ones to inquire them however they are and what has been happening lately. Asking the close questions astatine the close clip is cardinal to helping idiosyncratic unfastened up and it's often the archetypal measurement to assistance idiosyncratic who is struggling.

The 2nd step, LISTEN, means actively focusing connected what idiosyncratic has to accidental truthful that you tin truly recognize their feelings and thoughts. The foundation says: "It happens. Sometimes we perceive without truly hearing. It's much similar we're waiting for our crook to speech oregon reasoning astir what we're going to accidental next.

"We tin get truthful caught up connected saying the close thing. When we bash this though, we tin miss retired connected truly proceeding and knowing what the different idiosyncratic is saying. It's important that erstwhile we're listening, our extremity is to recognize alternatively than to respond."

The 3rd happening Movember recommends doing is to ENCOURAGE ACTION to assistance them consciousness better. This includes helping idiosyncratic to travel up with solutions alternatively than simply telling him what bash to. You could marque funny suggestions, for illustration "What would it beryllium similar to commencement with a tiny locomotion successful the mornings?" oregon "I wonderment what it would beryllium similar to speech to your spouse astir immoderate of this stuff."

Finally, the CHECK IN measurement means reaching retired regularly aft your chat to amusement them that they are not unsocial and that you are determination to enactment them. Movember says: "One of the astir important things you tin bash is inquire astir what you'd specifically discussed past time. Get consecutive to it alternatively than skirting astir it. Ask however they are, what's the latest connected their situation, what they request and however you tin enactment them. Always spell backmost to listening if different steps you've tried aren't working."

For affectional enactment you tin telephone the Samaritans 24-hour helpline connected 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, sojourn a Samaritans subdivision successful idiosyncratic oregon spell to the Samaritans website.