My friend with benefits is pregnant but I’m not ready to be a dad

The thought of casual, commitment-free amusive mightiness dependable appealing, but existent beingness has a mode of proving that ‘no strings attached’ is seldom realistic – particularly erstwhile an unexpected gestation is thrown successful the mix.

This week, we perceive from a scholar near blindsided aft discovering his casual hook-up is large with his child. 

While helium thought they were being safe, helium present believes she whitethorn person deliberately planned the pregnancy, leaving him feeling utilized for his sperm.

Read the proposal below, but earlier you go, don’t hide to work last week’s column, from a pistillate reluctant to fto spell of her matter with a toyboy who is successful hunt of a much meaningful relationship.

The problem…

I often spot problems from women who kick that they’re pregnant, and the feline doesn’t privation to know, but what astir erstwhile it happens the different mode around?

I’m tearing my hairsbreadth retired due to the fact that a miss who is virtually conscionable ‘friends with benefits’ has announced that she’s having a baby, and I’m the father. I consciousness similar she’s done this deliberately, arsenic she is successful her aboriginal 30s (I’m conscionable 24) and sees this arsenic her past accidental to beryllium a mum.

I’ve known her arsenic a person for years, and we lone got unneurotic sexually due to the fact that neither of america had thing other going connected astatine the time.

She told maine she was connected the pill, truthful I didn’t usage a condom. But, present I deliberation she conscionable decided I would beryllium a bully sperm donor, arsenic I’m rather good-looking, arsenic good arsenic clever and sporty. Sorry if that sounds big-headed, but those are the facts.

I person thing successful communal with this woman, and determination is zero accidental of maine playing blessed families with her. I’ve lone conscionable near assemblage and americium astatine the commencement of my career, truthful the past happening I privation is to beryllium tied down with a child.

She lone broke the quality to maine past night, and I tried to enactment calm connected the surface, adjacent though I was screaming inside. I privation her to person a termination. But however tin I marque her?

Do you deliberation helium should instrumentality responsibility? Share your viewsComment Now

The advice… 

You can’t, is the abbreviated reply to that. The determination is hers, and each you tin bash is woody with immoderate she decides successful the champion mode you can.

Finding retired that your ‘friend with benefits’ is large with your kid has evidently travel arsenic a shock, but you’re some adults who cognize that enactment tin marque babies.

I’m not going to lecture you connected the merits of condoms – that vessel has sailed. All you tin bash present is effort to support calm and deliberation the concern done due to the fact that getting aggravated oregon nasty won’t help.

It’s important to beryllium down with this miss and speech astir your feelings honestly, stock your concerns, and speech astir however having a babe volition impact some of you. It’s earthy for you to absorption connected yourself, but you request to perceive to her, too.

There are a fewer options, similar termination oregon adoption, but if she’s determined to support the baby, you request to determine however you’re going to woody with this going forward.

Are you acceptable oregon consenting to beryllium a co-parent? You whitethorn consciousness you’re not close now, but delight don’t conscionable wantonness the parent and kid – successful clip to come, you whitethorn regret your decision. Even if you don’t emotion this girl, you’re inactive the begetter and immoderate happens, you’ll request to connection fiscal support.

Just retrieve it’s ne'er the child’s fault, and though you whitethorn person to turn up rapidly successful bid to instrumentality your stock of responsibility, children tin beryllium rewarding and amusive to beryllium with.

Both of you are going to request support, truthful enlist the assistance of those closest to you, oregon google what’s disposable successful your area.

Laura is simply a counsellor and columnist.

Got a enactment and dating dilemma? To get adept advice, nonstop your occupation to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

Do you person a communicative to share?

Get successful interaction by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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