My mum always lied to me about who my dad was…I only found out I was sperm donor baby at 40 when step-mum let it slip

FOR 4 decades, Jo Emerson adored her dada Chris.

They were similar chalk and cheese, but she knew helium loved her deeply.

However, her satellite was blown isolated erstwhile her stepmother made a shocking gaffe of the lingua — and hinted helium wasn’t Jo’s biologic father.

“I felt similar the rug had been pulled from nether me,” says Jo, 52, from Bath.

“Only 4 radical successful the satellite — my parents and their 2nd spouses — knew that I’d been conceived utilizing donor sperm from a session successful London successful October 1971.

“Not adjacent my grandparents had an inkling. It had been a concealed for 40 years — and if Pat hadn’t fto it slip, I mightiness ne'er person known the truth.”

Jo’s acquisition is akin to that of the histrion John Simm, 54, who precocious recovered retired the antheral who raised him wasn’t his biologic dad aft a daze trial effect connected caller ITV amusement DNA Journey.

The Life On Mars star’s mum Brenda didn’t realise either, but admitted she and Ronald Simm, who died successful 2015, had breached up temporarily and reunited astir the clip she had fallen pregnant.

John’s biologic begetter was a vocalist called Terry Smith, who had besides died by the clip helium recovered out.

The TV prima admitted: “It spun my world, and everything I thought I knew, wasn’t real.

“I was truly adjacent to my dad. He was similar my champion mate.

“But having said that, determination was ever something, I truly felt different. And I ever felt a spot blameworthy astir it.

“I’m gladsome my dada isn’t live to spot this due to the fact that I’m definite he’d beryllium shocked and upset.”

Jo says that, similar John, she had a tiny inkling that thing was retired of the mean erstwhile she was increasing up successful Hemel Hempstead, Herts, but could ne'er enactment retired what.

‘I pined for him’

Her mum and dada — a caregiver and an accountant — divided erstwhile she was 9 but she stayed adjacent to her father.

“I pined for him erstwhile helium left. I was heartbroken and it was precise hard,” says Jo. “But helium saw maine arsenic overmuch arsenic helium could and I got connected good with his 2nd woman Pat.

“In contrast, my mum Jill was a hard woman. We ne'er got on.”

Jo, a assurance coach, was devastated erstwhile her begetter died successful January 1999, aged 55, owed to Marfan syndrome, a life-limiting familial information which affects the body’s connective tissues.

Unbeknown to Jo, it besides leaves astir antheral sufferers incapable to person children.

“After dada died erstwhile I was 25, I inactive saw my stepmum regularly,” says Jo, who has daughters Beth, 20, Eva, 17, and Nancy, 15.

“We chose to enactment successful each other’s lives and we person a fantastic relationship. She was a enarthrosis to outcry connected erstwhile things were tough, similar aft my divorce.

“One day, successful 2012, I was talking to her astir the difficulties I had with my ain mum. My stepmum told maine however overmuch she loved maine and that Mum was the 1 missing out. Then I joked astir whether I’d done thing arsenic a babe to upset her.

“Without thinking, my stepmum answered: ‘Of people you didn’t. But it could person been that different thing . . . ’

“Straight away. we some realised she’d said thing she shouldn’t — and I asked her to explain, but she changed the subject.

“I knew heavy down that a concealed had been kept from me.”

For six months, Jo begged her stepmum to explicate what she knew.

“She was conflicted due to the fact that she felt she couldn’t interruption a confidence,” she says. “But I couldn’t remainder until I knew the truth.

“Months went by and I told her I couldn’t spell connected similar this. I had a hunch astir what it was and asked her: ‘Is my dada my dad?’ She replied: ‘He ever loved you, my darling’. And that’s erstwhile I knew.”

The details Pat had astir Jo’s conception were sketchy, but she explained that her parents had unsuccessfully tried for a babe for 3 years and were not eligible to follow owed to Chris’s wellness issues.

“Their GP told them astir a spot successful London wherever they could wage to get sperm from an anonymous donor,” says Jo.

“It was successful the precise aboriginal days of fertility attraction and precise rudimentary.

“You had nary prime who you got sperm from but the men were mostly doctors and aesculapian students. They gave samples successful the greeting and prospective mums would beryllium inseminated successful the afternoon.

“But I’ve nary thought what happened aft that, if mum went unsocial oregon however galore times they tried.”

Jo was calved 9 months aboriginal successful July 1972.

The bombshell quality astir however she came to beryllium near Jo reeling.

“I felt similar I’d mislaid my dada each implicit again,” she says.

“But portion it was 50 per cent devastation, it was besides 50 per cent relief. It made consciousness due to the fact that I’d ever been truthful antithetic to him.

“Although I nary longer spoke to my mum, I contacted her to inquire for the information and find retired wherefore they ne'er told me.

“She said it was nary of my concern and to halt ruining her life. I was successful a tailspin. It felt similar thing was existent immoderate more.

“I was besides embarrassed and ashamed. I was incredibly grateful to my stepmum for telling me, but besides aggravated that they had each kept it from maine for truthful long.

“Were they going to fto maine spell to my deathbed not knowing?”

It took Jo a agelong clip to commencement processing the quality and to archer relatives.

“My grandparents were each dormant but I met my dad’s member and his woman for lunch,” she says.

“I was disquieted that they mightiness not privation maine arsenic their niece present but they conscionable said: ‘You volition ever beryllium ours, thing changes’. It brought maine person to my cousins.”

Life-changing email

After gathering her present hubby Terry, 50, a lawyer, her thoughts turned to uncovering the antheral who shared her genes.

“For Christmas 2018, Terry bought maine a DNA test,” she says.

“He told maine determination was nary pressure, but he’d enactment maine if I decided to usage it. After six years of processing the truth, I knew I would nary longer beryllium betraying my dada if I looked for my donor.”

In January 2019, Jo took the trial and uploaded the results to ancestry.com.

Two weeks later, arsenic she sat successful a Pizza Express, she got a life-changing email.

The website had 3 identified matches — a donor sister successful the UK and a donor member successful Australia, some her half-siblings, arsenic good arsenic a biologic uncle, the member of her donor father, besides surviving successful Australia.

“My donor siblings had grown up knowing their origins arsenic their parents had been honorable with them,” she says.

“Because of this, they had been capable to bash DNA investigating to find each different and our uncle.

“There were much half-siblings, but they had chosen to enactment anonymous. Our biologic begetter had been a erstwhile aesculapian pupil who went into acting.

“He donated sperm for the money, ne'er reasoning immoderate children would find retired his identity.

“He had his ain woman and children, and was horrified that we’d discovered his identity. He’d been promised anonymity aft all.

“But owed to his signifier work, they’d been capable to find photos of him and consecutive distant I could spot the resemblance betwixt us.”

Dashed hopes

Any hopes that Jo could conscionable the antheral who gave her beingness were rapidly dashed.

Jo adds: “My donor siblings had written to him and his family, but were told successful nary uncertain presumption that they should not marque interaction again.

His member — our uncle — said helium was ‘delighted’ to cognize astir us, but couldn’t conscionable up.”

Initially, Jo recovered the rejection from her biologic begetter achy but she dilatory began to instrumentality a antithetic attitude.

“For a agelong time, I felt aggravated that helium would contradict maine the accidental to shingle his hand. Now I conscionable consciousness gratitude to him,” she says.

“He gave maine beingness and gave my dada the accidental to beryllium a dad. I’m everlastingly gladsome of that.”

She met her donor sister successful idiosyncratic successful 2021, but the women haven’t stayed successful touch.

“She was benignant and generous, but we had small successful common,” Jo says.

“It made maine realise that not gathering my donor dada could beryllium a blessing successful disguise. It mightiness beryllium awkward trying to physique a narration with a alien based connected DNA. I’ve got specified a blessed beingness now, there’s nary request to messiness that up — oregon messiness his up.”

When Jo’s mum Jill died successful September 2023, she mislaid her last accidental to cognize the nonstop details of her conception.

“I inactive question wherefore my parents lied for truthful agelong and didn’t archer maine erstwhile dada was inactive alive,” she says.

“My mum was furious I recovered retired and adjacent sent my stepmum threatening messages for spilling the beans. I deliberation she was transverse astatine being recovered to beryllium a liar, whereas I deliberation Dad felt ashamed of his infertility, which saddens me.

“I’d person loved the accidental to archer him that it didn’t substance to maine — helium was my existent father.

“For a agelong time, I took connected my parents’ shame but I played nary portion successful their decisions, I’m conscionable the effect of them.

“It’s an astonishing communicative — and it’s my story.”

• Jo Emerson is simply a quality behaviour and assurance expert.
• Find retired much astatine jo-emerson.com