My partner has changed beyond recognition since his cancer diagnosis

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE helium was diagnosed with cancer, my spouse has changed beyond recognition. He’s go moody, abusive and cruel.

If helium doesn’t get assistance to woody with his feelings, he’ll beryllium taking his past enactment connected his own, due to the fact that I tin nary longer cope. 

I’m 48, and he’s 49. We’ve been successful a narration for 7 years. 

We archetypal met astatine college, but mislaid touch, joined different people, and had kids. Then we some went done nasty divorces.

When we met up again, done societal media, sparks flew. We felt we should ever person been together. 

Before his diagnosis, we were truthful happy, and talking astir matrimony - adjacent though I’d vowed ne'er to spell determination again.

We had a wonderful, loving narration and a superb enactment beingness - truthful overmuch amended than I’d had with my ex. He was loving, caring, generous, benignant and funny. 

When our kids were grown, we bought a spot unneurotic and moved in. But conscionable a fewer months later, helium was diagnosed with terminal melanoma.

I vowed to attraction for him and bash everything to marque our remaining clip unneurotic arsenic fantastic arsenic possible. 

But the diagnosis changed him. He has a unspeakable temper and thing I bash oregon accidental is right.

He throws things, screams obscenities and blames maine for everything.

When helium calms down, helium apologises and expects maine to forgive and forget.

He’s wholly successful denial astir dying and I cognize helium needs to speech astir his feelings - if not with maine past with idiosyncratic else. But helium won’t get nonrecreational help.

I can’t carnivore to beryllium astir him and I’m earnestly considering leaving. I emotion him but I’m not prepared to beryllium his punchbag.

DEIDRE SAYS: A terminal diagnosis is shocking, particularly for idiosyncratic comparatively young.

Your spouse is apt frightened and angry, and arsenic you’re the closest idiosyncratic to him, he’s lashing out.

You’re close that connected immoderate level he’s successful denial, which is wherefore helium won’t speech astir it. 

But helium needs to due to the fact that he’s not conscionable making it harder for himself, he’s besides driving you away.

Make it wide that you emotion him but can’t transportation connected similar this. 

Give him my enactment battalion connected Have You Had A Cancer Diagnosis which contains accusation and sources of help. 

You whitethorn find it utile to spot the accusation for carers connected Macmillan’s website (macmillan.org.uk).