Nicole Kidman, 57, reveals she often wakes up 'crying and gasping' thinking about her mortality, marriage and grief as she poses for striking GQ shoot

Nicole Kidman has revealed she's often awoken with thoughts astir her ain mortality. 

The actress, 57, posed for a striking screen sprout for 1 of British GQ’s Men of the Year 2024 editions successful which she reflected connected however her attack to beingness has changed successful her 50s. 

The mother-of-four was speaking astir being successful tune with her emotions erstwhile she was asked wherefore she feels things much profoundly now. 

Nicole explained: 'Mortality. Connection. Life coming and hitting you. And nonaccomplishment of parents and raising children and matrimony and each of the things that spell into making you a afloat sentient human. I'm successful each of those places. So beingness is, whew. 

'It's decidedly a journey. And it hits you arsenic you get older however – it's a aftermath up astatine 3am crying and gasping benignant of thing. If you're successful it and not numbing yourself to it. And I'm successful it. Fully successful it.' 

Nicole touched connected mortality again arsenic she reflected connected however the nonaccomplishment of her parents and raising her ain children had changed her outlook connected life. 

She explained: 'There's the mortality facet of beingness which, erstwhile you commencement to woody with that, it's precise heavy. When you're raising children you're like, "I gotta enactment here. I wanna spot each of this." It's devastating and beauteous and extraordinary.' 

Nicole was near devastated successful 2014 erstwhile her begetter Antony died of a suspected bosom attack aged 75. Her parent Janelle tragically passed distant this twelvemonth successful September aged 84 - a week aft Nicole recorded this interrogation with GQ. 

She has daughters Sunday Rose, 16, and Faith, 14, with hubby Keith Urban, whom she joined successful 2006. 

The Oscar-winning histrion shares adopted children Bella, 31, and Connor, 29, with ex-husband Tom Cruise but is believed to person a analyzable narration with the pair, who she has not been seen with successful nationalist for 16 years. 

Nicole erstwhile hinted Bella and Connor are 'loyal to their father' and 'don't telephone her mum' having 'chosen Scientology' implicit her erstwhile she divided with the Hollywood star. 

Reflecting connected the days aft her father's decease successful her GQ chat, Nicole recalled a infinitesimal erstwhile her daughters, who were 4 and six astatine the time, saw her crying. 

'The small 1 was conscionable truthful small that she didn't cognize whether I was acting oregon not,' Nicole shared. 'She said, "Mummy acting now?" And the older 1 was like, "No, mummy not acting now." 

'But the older 1 was like, "You won't beryllium bittersweet successful the morning?" Because they don't privation a location afloat of sadness. Who does?' 

Last week, Nicole opened up astir the decease of her parent this year, sharing her sadness that Janelle didn't get a accidental to spot her caller film, Babygirl. 

The histrion spoke to Vanity Fair for their Hollywood Issue, astir grieving her parent who died abruptly portion Nicole was astatine the movie festival to accept an grant for her erotic thriller role.

'She was precise excited to spot Babygirl, and she was excited to spot The Perfect Couple too, but she didn’t get to spot either of those,' the histrion told the publication.

Nicole described her ma arsenic her 'compass,' adding she loved and supported her career.

'She was my compass successful a way. It’s similar losing that, but astatine the aforesaid clip going,' the Oscar award-winning histrion told Vanity Fair.

'So overmuch of what she wanted for my sister and I was to make women successful this satellite who felt similar they could explicit themselves and person opportunities, particularly things she didn’t person from her generation.'

The histrion added her parent 'loved' her career, and was ever supportive of her endeavors. 

Nicole shared: 'She would beryllium determination done each the ups and downs, each of it. Her essence has been beauteous overmuch the driving unit done my full life. I privation she could person seen this portion of it.'

The histrion announced the quality of her mother's decease via Babygirl manager Halina Reijn, who work a connection connected her behalf during a Venice International Film Festival sheet past month. 

Nicole intended to be the festival and judge the Volpi Cup grant for champion histrion for her relation successful the erotic drama.

Her connection read: 'Today I arrived successful Venice to find retired soon after, that my beautiful, brave parent Janelle Ann Kidman has conscionable passed.'

Leaving the lawsuit early, Nicole explained: 'I americium successful daze and I person to spell to my family, but this grant is for her. She shaped me, she guided maine and she made me.'

The Big Little Lies prima added: 'I americium beyond grateful that I get to accidental her sanction to each of you done Halina, the collision of beingness and creation is heartbreaking, and my bosom is broken.'