Postpartum psychosis had me thinking I’d died and gone to hell

Irritation, hallucinations and delusions.

Over the past fewer weeks, I’ve been watching intimately arsenic Nicole Piper’s (Sammy Dobson) postpartum psychosis storyline has ramped up connected Casualty. 

And arsenic hard arsenic it has been to watch, I’ve been pleased to spot the portrayal of however rapidly an archetypal deficiency of slumber tin beryllium a motion of thing much sinister. 

Like Nicole, I excessively suffered from postpartum psychosis. I cognize each excessively good what it’s similar to acquisition these feelings astatine your spot of work.  

Our stories are frighteningly similar.  

When we recovered retired I was large successful September 2023, my hubby Ross and I were thrilled. 

As a midwife, I felt prepared for pregnancy, but it was inactive surreal to beryllium connected the different side. 

Overall things went smoothly and I was hoping for a homebirth. Unfortunately my labour stalled truthful I was transferred into infirmary to person a c-section.

It was panic-inducing being connected the different side, but the squad were astonishing and erstwhile my babe lad was placed successful my arms I felt flooded with emotion.

The archetypal fewer days aft helium was calved were past spent riding the rollercoaster that is caller parenthood. 

Within days, however, I went from not sleeping good to not sleeping astatine each arsenic I felt I didn’t request it. When I did sleep, I had terrifying nightmares and would aftermath up screaming.

Ross, acrophobic it could beryllium a motion of the ‘baby blues’, focused each his vigor connected looking aft me, truthful that I could champion attraction for our baby.

Then my temper started to plaything from 1 utmost to the next.

I’d person utmost highs wherever I felt similar I could instrumentality connected thing – followed by utmost lows and tons of weeping.

This acrophobic visiting midwives who recommended I spot a intelligence wellness specialist. 

We did and I was prescribed sleeping pills to get immoderate rest, but they didn’t interaction the sides.

Delusions and hallucinations rapidly followed: I became paranoid Ross was filming maine and sending footage to midwives. In the nursery, I would consciousness the walls closing successful connected me. And I was convinced each speck of ungraded was a dormant insect.

I was losing interaction with reality, and connected the sixth greeting of our son’s life, I proclaimed to Ross and my mum that I’d unlocked a cosmopolitan concealed to motherhood – you request to enactment similar a babe to cognize however to look aft one.  

This came aft I’d tally to the bath to beryllium sick but physically couldn’t. I felt similar a babe who needed burping, truthful I began behaving similar one. I laid connected the level past started crawling around.

At this constituent they were truly worried, truthful they some suggested I spell backmost to the hospital.

As we climbed into an Uber to bash so, I started rambling and became much and much frustrated that cipher seemed to beryllium listening to me. By the clip we arrived my thoughts were going astatine a 100 miles an hour.

I asked for a laptop and ended up penning a 5,000 connection effort successful the waiting country astir what was happening to me.

Like Nicole, astatine archetypal the squad thought I conscionable needed slumber and remainder truthful I was fixed much sleeping pills. But my psychosis lone worsened from there. 

At its peak, I ran into the rooms of women successful labour and besides to the operating theatre. I adjacent laid connected the array screaming, believing the unit were making maine reenact my caesarean. 

My colleagues and friends each saw this hap and portion I present cognize I couldn’t assistance it, the thought of that is truthful embarrassing. 

At the aforesaid clip I besides believed that my babe had died, that my hubby had died, and that I was dormant and successful hell.

I was moved connected to antipsychotic medicine – which was a situation due to the fact that I was present suspicious of the unit and the drugs and didn’t privation to instrumentality them – and aft 5 days successful infirmary I was sectioned nether the Mental Health Act.

Only past was I formally diagnosed with postpartum psychosis.

I was sent to a parent and babe portion (MBU) – a specializer psychiatric portion for mothers with terrible intelligence unwellness – and it took maine astir a week to recognize wherever I was and what had happened. 

Luckily, the unit were amazing. They helped maine to attraction for my babe and Ross visited each time which helped support my temper up.

Once I was yet taking the due medicine, my psychosis resolved rather rapidly and I was discharged location aft a month.

I’d emotion to accidental that everything went backmost to mean from there, but it didn’t. 

After the excitement of going location had worn off, I fell into a deep depression arsenic I realised, though I’d ever been truthful excited for that newborn phase, I’d missed truthful overmuch of it owed to my psychosis.

I felt blameworthy and heartbroken and, astatine my lowest, became suicidal. 

After being readmitted to different MBU, I was erstwhile again fixed unthinkable attraction and was released location aft 3 weeks. Finally things were looking up for maine and my family.

And portion Nicole’s circumstances are somewhat antithetic – she was a surrogate for Baby Nicholas – I sincerely anticipation that she gets the due treatment.

Since then, we’ve formed blessed memories arsenic a family, spending clip successful the parkland and connected the formation successful our section town, and my enslaved with my lad has grown stronger.

I besides received large proposal from the foundation Action connected Postpartum Psychosis – who told maine to judge each the assistance I needed and beryllium gentle with myself. 

And portion I’m truthful grateful to person had the close care, it’s concerning to deliberation that, adjacent though we enactment successful maternity, my colleagues, friends and household and I recovered it hard to spot the signs.

Postpartum psychosis is simply a aesculapian exigency and needs to beryllium treated arsenic one. It affects astir 1 successful 1,000 mothers aft giving commencement and we indispensable rise much consciousness to get women the assistance they request sooner. 

Casualty featuring this storyline is simply a immense archetypal measurement but I’m passionate that each healthcare professionals are trained successful spotting the signs and knowing the attraction pathway. 

Because with the close support, radical similar Nicole and I will, and do, get better.

Do you person a communicative you’d similar to share? Get successful interaction by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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