SAUCY SECRETS: My divorced dad is sleeping with a girl I went to high school with. I was disgusted at first - but now I'm worried for him

Dear Jana,

My caller missus thinks maine watching porn and masturbating is the aforesaid arsenic cheating? She can't beryllium serious! Is this however women deliberation these days? Or is she being excessively precious? Can't a antheral live! How bash I speech consciousness into her?

Johnny.

Oh Johnny,

That's rather the dilemma! But here's the thing: she's wrong. Good lord, we each consciousness the impulse from clip to time. If that's the worst you do, past I deliberation you're conscionable fine. I wouldn't effort to speech consciousness to her - I conscionable wouldn't archer her erstwhile you self-pleasure oregon ticker porn. It's that simple. We don't person to archer our partners everything. Just marque definite you wide your hunt history.

At the extremity of the day, a porno can't cuddle you afterwards, oregon archer you that you look blistery successful that outfit. And nary one's ever near their spouse to ticker porn each time (well, isolated from porn addicts - but that's different story). So it's not cheating, for heaven's sake. Just support your habits to yourself, similar the remainder of america do.

Dear Jana,

So the different night, I had to decorativeness this last-minute study for work, and since I had near my laptop astatine home, I borrowed my boyfriend's. When helium got up to marque america meal I decided to spot if his laptop was logged into his Instagram and it was, truthful I scrolled done his DMs (you would too!) and discovered each these messages helium had sent models helium was following.

He was saying things similar 'I privation to f**k you' and 'I could springiness you an orgasm successful nether a minute.' (For the record, nary helium could not.) Now I don't cognize what to do. I consciousness similar it is cheating - adjacent if these women didn't constitute backmost to him. Are each men this creepy? I consciousness similar helium has crossed a boundary, but besides don't privation to face him due to the fact that he'll cognize I went done his Instagram. How bash I attack this?

Angela.

Ah Angela,

It's a risky crippled to spell done a partner's Instagram DMs. It's guaranteed you're ne'er going to similar what you find - truthful tut-tut for letting your curiosity get the amended of you. In saying that, I astir apt couldn't assistance myself either.

So yeah, it turns retired your fellow is simply a creep! Not truly a cheat, conscionable a creep. Although I reckon helium would leap astatine the accidental to furniture 1 of these Insta hotties if fixed the opportunity. So alternatively past bring it up with him, wherefore not conscionable dump him? Seeing messages similar that (ignored messages too!) would conscionable springiness maine the ick. You truly should beryllium focusing connected his gross unsolicited messages to strangers alternatively than what helium mightiness deliberation of you snooping connected his laptop.

And to reply your different question, no, not each guys are creepy - you've conscionable recovered 1 of them unfortunately. So convey your fortunate stars you recovered retired earlier you joined and had children with him (because, spot me, determination are plentifulness of creepy joined men successful my DMs - galore with their wives successful their profile picture...)

Just get retired of the narration and nether idiosyncratic other - occupation solved!

Side note: wherefore is it ever the men who aren't gods successful the chamber who look to brag astir it?

Dear Jana,

I'm successful rather the predicament and could truly usage your advice. My dada has started dating idiosyncratic I went to precocious schoolhouse with and I can't shingle however unsettling it feels. She is 25 years younger than him, and I can't assistance but wonderment if her intentions are wholly genuine.

My dada spent his full beingness gathering his carpentry concern from the crushed up, and his woman is simply a azygous parent with 3 kids. I interest helium mightiness extremity up taking connected a overmuch bigger work than helium realises if this narration becomes serious. And it seems to beryllium heading that way.

Honestly, I deliberation this mightiness conscionable beryllium a rebound aft my mum near him past year, but it's hard to beryllium backmost and ticker what looks similar a midlife situation playing out. Her ex is wholly unreliable, truthful I fishy she sees my dada arsenic her summons to stability.

The tricky portion is, I don't privation to embarrass my begetter oregon wounded our narration by confronting him astir this. How bash I mildly assistance him spot consciousness earlier it's excessively late?

Anonymous.

Anonymous,

I hatred to accidental it, but I reckon you've got to fto it play out. At the extremity of the day, your begetter is simply a grown antheral and tin marque his ain (horny) decisions.

Is it a rebound? Highly likely. It's a communicative arsenic aged arsenic clip erstwhile the antheral goes connected to regenerate his ex-wife with a younger exemplary *sigh* but it's possibly a mistake helium simply indispensable marque connected his own.

If you effort to intervene, you volition upset everyone. And if he's a stubborn bugger similar astir of the older gents I know, helium volition astir apt enactment with her longer conscionable to marque a point.

So fto him person his amusive successful the sun, and past each you tin bash is beryllium determination for him erstwhile it goes belly up. And if it doesn't… well, you're going to person immoderate absorbing Christmases. Perhaps conscionable springiness her a knowing 'I'm connected to you' look erstwhile you spot her next. But let's not spell afloat Jerry Springer.

I admit your dada has worked hard gathering his concern and slope account, but it's his wealth to walk nevertheless helium likes. At slightest he's not sending it to a fake woman overseas - which happens much than you'd think.

Let Papa Bear fig it retired himself - they usually do. Just possibly gaffe immoderate condoms successful his bedside table. She sounds very, um, fertile.