Six girldads and boymoms share how they’re bringing up children differently

Both presumption person been met with mixed reactions online, with immoderate supporting the sentiments and others criticising the reinforcement of sex stereotypes and bias. The #girldad inclination often centers connected men’s virtuousness signalling, with their proximity to their daughters who volition go big women of the world, portion #boymom tin perpetuate the “boys volition beryllium boys” mentality, implying boys are inherently antithetic and excusable successful their behaviour.

Turning these notions connected their heads are six girldads and boymoms we talked to. From teaching sons however to recognize a “no,” and respecting boundaries to empowering daughters to asseverate them, these parents are reshaping raising children. Here’s what they had to accidental astir ensuring their kids turn up otherwise than they did.

Manoj Agarwal, 39, caput of concern development

Manoj with his family

Manoj, who grew up successful the tiny municipality of Malda, West Bengal, is raising his girl — who was calved during the COVID-19 pandemic successful Delhi — otherwise than his ain didactic upbringing. “Mine was a hierarchical household wherever you couldn’t beryllium excessively bold successful your thought process, nor talk against an elder, simply due to the fact that they were an elder,” helium said.

“This is wherefore we (his woman and him) person made it our ngo to person our girl not turn up successful a top-down household.” At conscionable 5, Manoj’s girl is already assertive. “When she says no, we don’t push. If she doesn’t privation to bash thing oregon spell somewhere, we respect her decision, we don’t effort to person it into a yes.”

Divya Ratan, 32, objective psychologist

Divya with her sons

Mother to 2 boys, aged 4 and eight, Divya said the 1 rule she has drilled into her sons’ heads is that home responsibilities volition beryllium shared by each household members. “My 4-year-old peels veggies, portion my older 1 knows however to chopped them and tin adjacent marque a crockery for himself. They besides assistance maine and their dada with laundry,” Divya said.

She recalled however her lad loved a room acceptable they bought him astatine 5, contempt radical saying, “Ye ladkiyo ka hai (This is for girls).” When her lad said, “Pink to girls ka colour hai (Pink is for girls),” Divya remembered she was coincidentally wearing a bluish dress, truthful she asked him if that made her a boy.

Divya besides told america however her father-in-law would often say, “Yeh ladkiyo ki tarah kyu ro raha hai” (Why is helium crying similar girls?)”, prompting her 8-year-old to inquire her if lone girls cry. She routinely tells him present that crying and expressing one’s emotions is not a atrocious thing.

“Sabke paas teardrop glands hai toh sab ro sakte hai (Everyone has teardrop glands meaning everyone tin cry.)”

Abhimanyu Khosla, 63, retired slope employee

Abhimanyu with his girl erstwhile she was young

Abhimanyu’s 27-year-old girl told america helium “was chill erstwhile it wasn’t a thing.” Khosla recalled however erstwhile helium said helium wouldn’t enactment successful a kanyadaan for his daughters, it caused an “uproar” successful their Shimla-based family. “I find the thought itself revolting. I didn’t privation my daughters ever to deliberation they were a commodity to beryllium fixed away.”

“My rule has ever been to springiness my girl abstraction of their ain to turn and thrive. I’ve ne'er enactment unit connected them to bash anything. Of course, determination person been suggestions, but they are conscionable that,” Khosla said.

Parmeet Kaur, 37, adjunct vice president of marketing

Parmeet said she ever wanted to beryllium a girlmom truthful that she could amusement her household however to rise a daughter. The 37-year-old grew up successful a associated household wherever boys were fixed precedence, whether it was acquisition oregon thing to eat. But, erstwhile she had a boy, she couldn’t ideate thing differently. “I privation to thatch my lad however to dainty radical close and however to respect a no, not conscionable my ain but besides of others astir him.”

She told america she ensures she passes connected definite driving principles to her son: “In our location now, I’ve taught my lad that each of america are equal. Neither I nor my hubby get thing extra, and helium doesn’t either.”

Parmeet with her son

Noticing her lad hitting the girls helium plays with arsenic hard arsenic helium hits his lad friends, Parmeet told him not to bash so. When her lad questioned whether girls and boys were equal, she said, “Equal but different.”

Parmeet besides said that kids larn much by illustration than thing else. “If I’ve told him not to usage the phone, and I’m inactive utilizing mine, he’ll question me. So, I effort not to walk judgements oregon edicts anymore but besides explicate wherefore and instrumentality them connected myself too.”

Salik Khan, 35, tech argumentation and connection advisor with Assam Police

By his admission, Salik grew up having galore “problematic” views of women and an adjacent much analyzable narration with them. “My ma was the lone pistillate successful the family, arsenic I grew up with 3 brothers.”

Today, Khan is simply a feminist, and helium said it has taken him years to get to this point, devouring books from writers ranging from Saadat Hassan Manto to Carl Sagan, and years of unlearning since college. “Once, I was speechmaking a publication that had a dedication by the writer to his daughter, which went thing like, ‘Give your girl a sanction that makes you question idiosyncratic who doesn’t cognize however to pronounce it right’, and that’s erstwhile I decided I would bash that for my girl too. If radical telephone her oregon her sanction difficult, truthful beryllium it,” helium said.

He decided helium wanted to beryllium a girldad, and specified is life, helium became one. He named his girl Rumaisa, the Arabic sanction for the brightest prima successful the nighttime sky. “Women astir maine didn’t adjacent person the bureau to deliberation independently, fto unsocial things similar going retired unsocial oregon adjacent with friends. I garbage to bash that to my daughter,” Salik says.

Laura Pattanayak, 41, adjunct vice president successful finance

From having gender-neutral covering to teaching her lad however to beryllium independent, Laura has been doing it each since time one, overmuch similar others connected this list, particularly considering her begetter was a girldad himself. However, since her household is based successful the United States of America, determination are respective taste differences to beryllium addressed.

“When I was increasing up successful India, determination was nary conception of pridefulness oregon the LGBTQIA+. That way, my lad is increasing up successful a antithetic taste situation but I’ve ever taught him to respect everyone, that determination is nary incorrect oregon close erstwhile it comes to someone’s personhood, and that idiosyncratic being antithetic from him doesn’t mean they’re wrong,” she told us.

The 41-year-old explained that she ne'er tells her lad what is close oregon wrong. “We conscionable springiness him each the facts and the accusation and we fto him travel to the decision connected his own. Because this is simply a substance of position and subjective to everyone.”