The 6 craziest stories of January. Salute!

It’s hard to judge that 2025 is already 1/12 complete. We survived the modulation from an incoherent placeholder presidency to the caller America and a caller president. We endured the planetary cooling, oops, warming, that brought snowfall to Florida and Texas and 11-degree mornings to northbound Georgia. 

January didn’t halt there. It featured the terrifying nightmare of a Dunkin’ Donuts shortage and the media freakout implicit the renaming of the Gulf of Mexico into the Gulf of America. Along the way, the satellite kept getting crazier. Like always, the property led the way. Here are immoderate of the craziest stories from the period gone by:

New media ticker out

Lefty Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin announced she is joining the wide exodus from the insubstantial and starting a caller task called The Contrarian. (She hasn't been contrary to the large media successful years.) She posted a abbreviated (Thank, God!) video with spouse Norm Eisen, a CNN ineligible analyst. The video was wide panned arsenic "cringe" and depicted the brace claiming their caller outlet would beryllium "an breathtaking caller online platform." That was said with each the passionateness you get watching beverage curdle.

Lefty Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin announced she is joining the wide exodus from the paper. (Screenshot/MSNBC)

Eisen added, "[B]ut we cognize that immoderate successful, pro-democracy question besides has to beryllium precise vocal astir culture." He promised a cooking column, "but we’re gonna sprinkle successful a small spot of pro-democracy flavor." NeverTrump cooking lessons. Yum! 

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It was similar watching a substance of an old-school "Saturday Night Live" skit overlaid with the berserk, faux sincerity of NPR. If you were making a video to marque amusive of them, it wouldn’t person been this hilarious. 

Don’t punctuation me

The White House exes – some President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris – reminded voters of what amusive we missed with 4 much years of either candidate. Biden, who delivered connection mush for galore years earlier the property was forced to admit it, couldn’t grip the hard situation of singing… "Happy Birthday."

Former President Joe Biden and erstwhile Vice President Kamala Harris listo to President Donald Trump present his inaugural code astatine the Capitol, Jan. 20, 2025. (Kenny Holston/The New York Times via AP, Pool)

The erstwhile prez who, astatine 82, has presumably heard the opus a fewer times, inactive flubbed it. Apparently, helium couldn’t retrieve the sanction of the young impermanent named Alicio. When it came clip to muster the name, Biden conscionable drifted disconnected into Mumble City. The lone happening the video lacked was Alicio going each Walter White and telling Biden, "Say my name."

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Not to beryllium outdone, Harris couldn’t adjacent muster the "Pledge of Allegiance." She’s aged capable astatine 60 to person attended schoolhouse erstwhile teachers inactive taught it, earlier the near wrecked American education. Didn’t matter. Even though she urged the Senate to "join maine successful pledging allegiance to our flag," she forgot the emblem arsenic soon arsenic she started. "To the flag" are words 4 done six of the pledge, but erstwhile leftists accidental it. 

Let’s conscionable telephone that flagging patriotism.

Dunkin' outlets acquisition a doughnut shortage. (Jeffrey Greenberg/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

Running retired of dough

Dunkin’ (Formerly Dunkin’ Donuts), 1 of America’s premier sugar-delivery operations, ran retired of… doughnuts (The close spelling, for the selling folks astatine Dunkin’.) Outages were reported successful New Mexico and Nebraska. Corporate said conscionable 4% of the stores ran out, but Dunkin’ has 9,500 stores. So, astir 400 stores had nary doughnuts and nary donuts.

Speaking for the doughnut-eating (and Dunkin’-loving) citizens of the world. Do better. Don’t marque america find different determination to walk our dough – oregon bargain it.

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It’s springtime for…

Longtime readers cognize my favourite movie is the archetypal "Producers." It’s an unthinkable drama that makes amusive of Nazis. And now, acknowledgment to entrepreneur Elon Musk and the laughably leftist media, the movie is existent events.

Musk, with his characteristic, socially awkward introversion, gave his bosom to the assemblage astatine a Trump gathering, thrusting his manus into the air. The media swarmed, creating the archetypal viral, phony contention of the Trump Two era. Even the acold near Anti-Defamation League, which bashes Nazis for a living, said it wasn’t a Nazi salute. Didn’t matter. An tremendous fig of alleged quality outlets pretended it was. 

Wonder however galore of those making this phony assertion are inactive driving their Teslas. 

Legally blind

Justice is blind, they say. It’s besides beauteous stupid. Reese Witherspoon, prima of the epic ineligible drama "Legally Blonde" and its pathetic sequel, ended up connected assemblage duty. Kudos to her for refusing to dodge her civic duty. But she wasn’t the problem.

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Witherspoon revealed connected the "Graham Norton Show" that the different jurors "unanimously" chose her arsenic foreman. Why? Because they thought she had gone to instrumentality school, due to the fact that of a movie. OK, admittedly it was Beverly Hills, truthful intellect mostly not required. Except they marque the movies nearby. One mightiness deliberation they’d cognize what actors do.

Witherspoon revealed connected the "Graham Norton Show" that she was chosen arsenic a assemblage foreman due to the fact that of her "Legally Blonde" background. (Getty Images)

When the manure hits the fan

Say the connection Peta and radical worldwide deliberation of the most-annoying radical of Karens imaginable, the benignant who enactment for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. What amended mode to extremity than to accidental the radical is afloat of… manure.

A brace of Peta poo promoters tried to dump a truckload of manure connected the office of their competitors – the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, oregon ASPCA. Only the manure managers astatine Peta had their heads successful their… motortruck truthful acold that they forgot manure freezes. And they tried the dumping during the highest acold beforehand successful Manhattan.

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The effect showed a frustrated Peta idiosyncratic digging the manure retired of the motortruck furniture similar helium had been formed successful immoderate disturbing remake of "Frozen." New York’s finest locked him and his spouse up, portion astir of the manure stayed lodged successful the truck. 

I conjecture it’s true, a caput is simply a unspeakable happening to waste.

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