The city that never sleeps soothes my heartache

Walking down Seventh Ave. connected a acold January evening, lined with agleam lights, vendors, and the dependable of performers, I felt a bid I had not expected. The chaos of Times Square is not a spot 1 would expect to find calm; however, it was not the juxtaposition of uncovering bid among the hustle and bustle of the metropolis that amazed me. It was that I recovered it successful the depths of the deepest grief 1 tin experience: the grief of losing a child.

In April 2024, I mislaid my oldest lad and hero, Chansen, aft 3 years of battling a recently discovered benignant of liver cancer. It was a crab precise akin to a uncommon signifier of liver crab that attacks young, steadfast adults and children called fibrolamellar carcinoma, but helium had a caller variant of it. This crab is not good known, affecting lone 1 successful 5 million, but it is serendipitously known, studied, treated, and researched successful this precise engaged city, wherever my bosom was abruptly and inexplicably uncovering rest.

Columbia University presently has respective patients being treated there; Rockefeller University has made immoderate of the top discoveries connected this disease. Just a fewer steps distant astatine One Vanderbilt, the founders of the Fibrolamellar Cancer Foundation money millions successful probe with the assistance of galore connected Wall Street each year. However, it was not immoderate of these factors that contributed to my peace; it was my memories of this city.

You see, my lad Chansen battled crab doubly earlier helium was diagnosed with the crab that would yet instrumentality his life. He besides battled leukemia astatine ages 6 and 11. The 2nd conflict astir took his beingness owed to a broadside effect of attraction that caused a changeable astatine property 13. Chansen miraculously survived that incidental and went connected to person 10 much years of life, which included 2 visits to New York City from our southbound Florida home.

The archetypal sojourn was with the Sunshine Kids, wherever the metropolis embraced him and his chap teens battling crab successful expansive style. They visited NYPD headquarters, “Good Morning America,” and met Andy Grammer. They adjacent got to spell backstage astatine “The Lion King” aft the show. The 2nd sojourn was with me. Chansen and I celebrated his 21st day present arsenic well. Just the 2 of us. A solemnisation that I clasp dear, arsenic helium ne'er got to unrecorded to spot his 24th.

I visited with my mediate son, Colton, six years anterior to that sojourn with Chansen and created beauteous memories, catching up connected mislaid clip owed to Chansen’s crab treatment.

Now, present I was, 1 week past what would person been Chansen’s 24th birthday, lasting among the sounds of postulation and horns, feet scurrying connected pavement, lights turning nighttime into daytime, holding my youngest lad Carson’s hand, looking astatine the New Year’s Eve Ball inactive remaining from the anterior week’s celebrations announcing the twelvemonth 2025 to the world. A twelvemonth that my beloved oldest son, and Carson’s adored older brother, would not beryllium in. I was not crumbling nether the immense value of grief I had been carrying for the past 9 months.

It was puzzling to maine wherefore I felt this consciousness of peace, and I searched for answers arsenic I scanned my surroundings. Then it deed me: it’s due to the fact that determination is obscurity similar New York. It is electric, big, loud, real, harsh, overwhelming, and magical. Visiting is an unforgettable and unparalleled experience. My son, though robbed of overmuch successful his shortened clip here, was not robbed of this experience, and I was not robbed of seeing it with him.

Bill Haggett

Destiny and Carson Haggett successful Times Square successful January 2025. (Bill Haggett)

I went connected to walk an unthinkable week with my youngest son, showing him the wonderment of the metropolis for the archetypal time. As I spent the days walking done the city, I had flashes of memories of Chansen successful beforehand of that precise spot. Standing successful beforehand of Rockefeller Center, successful beforehand of the soft astatine FAO Schwarz, successful beforehand of the elephantine Hope sign, oregon nether the “Chicago” marquee. With each caller representation I made with my youngest, Chansen was determination too.

I americium completing my travel with not conscionable a deeper emotion but a caller understanding: yes, this metropolis is the metropolis of dreams, not conscionable for those dreaming of careers successful amusement and concern but for those dreaming of cures for crab and much years connected earth. As for me, well, it’s not truthful overmuch the metropolis of dreams arsenic it is the metropolis of memories — memories that, similar the metropolis lights, ne'er spell distant and airy up the dark.

Haggett is an advocator for pediatric and uncommon crab probe and serves connected the advisory committee for the Fibrolamellar Cancer Foundation.