THE SEX COLUMN: My X-rated fantasy became reality when I told my lover I only wanted his young hard body for one thing...

Women's fantasies are being talked astir among my friends again arsenic a effect of Want, the caller postulation of anonymous essays curated by ­Gillian Anderson. I was fascinated – and relieved – to work that different women consciousness embarrassed astir what they deliberation of erstwhile having sex, oregon erstwhile they are alone. I felt that too, for years.

I've disquieted my fantasies are weird, oregon excessively much, oregon anti-feminist, oregon they bespeak severely connected the enactment I'm really having.

Sadly, arsenic my (now defunct) matrimony went on, the relation of phantasy became much important, for america both. Locating Simon's intersexual phantasy was easy: helium liked to ideate determination was different antheral successful furniture with us.

I've since work that this script is precise common, particularly for joined couples, though I was amazed astatine the time.

The world was that I was the 'good' woman and parent to our 3 children; the phantasy was that I was the 'bad' girl, having enactment with him and different feline astatine the aforesaid time. Classic Madonna/Whore complex.

Needless to accidental the phantasy ne'er became a reality.

But my fantasies were harder to talk about. I'm tempted to accidental my main phantasy was that Simon took the bins retired without complaint, oregon organised the children's haircuts. The agelong hours spent watching Emi's favourite programme, Operation Ouch! connected the BBC, were enlivened by the monolithic crush I sustained connected some of the presenters, the Van Tulleken twins, successful their colourful scrubs. They could analyse maine immoderate day.

But the information was that the much mired successful domesticity I became, the much outrageous my fantasies grew. And by the extremity of the narration it seemed easier to beryllium mislaid successful the phantasy wrong my caput than beryllium contiguous with Simon. It near maine feeling lonely – and guilty. I'd hardly adjacent been successful the room.

With Eliot, astatine archetypal I didn't request to fantasise astatine each – helium was the dream. But astatine astir the 8 period people of our narration I recovered myself reaching for my favourite X-rated scenarios, lone present it's different: alternatively of playing the accustomed concealed soiled films successful my head, I was inactive present. We were some inactive successful bed, having sex, lone sometimes I'd springiness our concern a small enhancement.

Last month, aft we watched Braveheart successful his level successful northbound London, I imagined we were successful Scotland successful the 13th Century.

Instead of dropping his jeans, Eliot had conscionable unbuckled his kilt (he'd look truthful large successful that). Instead of the somewhat uncomfortable furniture successful his tiny rented room, we were successful an adjacent much uncomfortable hut surrounded by bracken. His assemblage was not acold disconnected from a young Mel ­Gibson's truthful it was not excessively overmuch of a stretch. 

Sometimes I imagined that we were being watched. Objectifying what the existent america was doing made it adjacent hotter. I inactive kept these things to myself though: I wasn't definite however Eliot felt astir playing ­William Wallace, and I knew helium wasn't into voyeurism.

But past week, portion his flatmates were retired and the kids were astatine school, we met up for immoderate naughty day sex.

I loved Eliot for galore reasons, helium was funny, caring, successful, but helium was besides young and fit. And I knew that to him, I was the sexy older woman. It struck me: our property spread was the eventual intersexual phantasy for us. We were surviving it anyway, but it would beryllium adjacent hotter if we openly expressed it.

I laic backmost and guided his manus to my breast, past I pushed his manus further down. Then I took the hazard – and talked. 'I americium lone present for 1 thing,' I told him (not rather true, we'd shared a sandwich earlier), 'And you are going to springiness it to me, with your young, hard body.'

Eliot looked astatine me, his eyebrows raised, but I ploughed on. 'First you volition bash everything to maine that I want, similar a bully boy,' I told him. 'And then, if you are precise good, I volition fto you bash what you want, which is to...' I listed a fewer things, explicitly.

Eliot gasped. 'Tell maine again,' helium said.

I told him again, making it dirtier.

'Yes, yes please.'

Role play really, but lone due to the fact that we were speaking ourselves into the parts.

A small spot of phantasy ran successful my caput too, that I'd usage Eliot mercilessly and afterwards I'd get up and leave, nary strings attached. Really, though, erstwhile I near for the schoolhouse run, my bosom wounded for days.

•  Annabel Bond is simply a pseudonym. Names person been changed