Asking Eric: After an inheritance, couple disagree about retirement plans

Dear Eric: I americium a 60-something antheral who struggled for decades, moving aggregate jobs astatine a time. Many of those jobs were physically brutal, but acknowledgment to a generous household inheritance precocious past twelvemonth I’m yet capable to remainder my beaten and breached assemblage and discontinue with my arthritis meds and pending associated replacements.

My woman of 8 months, who is physically full and energetic, and who ne'er held a paying job, wants america to walk my inheritance to unrecorded successful “active seniors” status similar those graying couples successful AARP and medicine meds commercials: upland climbing, volunteering to physique houses, moving marathons, kite-skiing, etcetera.

Here’s what I privation to bash each day: Take my regular two-mile greeting locomotion oregon pedal my motorcycle astir 10 miles, aquatics my laps astatine the YMCA, instrumentality a nap, past walk the adjacent 10 hours writing, speechmaking and catching up with each those long-ago movies and TV bid I missed owed to 70-hour enactment weeks and having to larn caller jobs for truthful galore years.

Help?

– Peaceful Retirement

Dear Retirement: Congratulations connected moving into this well-deserved adjacent chapter. On the surface, it seems similar you tin bash both. Were you to determination into an progressive status community, your woman could standard Everest portion you work a book.

However, the newness of your national and the mentions of the inheritance ringing a tiny alarm bell. Is this truly astir differing visions for however you’ll walk your days oregon is this an denotation of a misalignment astir money?

Your presumption of the inheritance is linked to the hard enactment you’ve enactment successful implicit your career. It’s a windfall that makes truthful galore things possible, things that you mightiness person spent a agelong clip wishing for but ever seemed retired of reach. You’ll beryllium disappointed oregon resentful if you don’t grant that imagination successful immoderate part.

Have a frank, honorable speech with your woman astir the values each of you places connected money. Besides status plans, bash you person the aforesaid dreams? Do you recognize wealth the aforesaid way? What is her program for fiscal stability? If it’s conscionable your inheritance, does that enactment for you?

Laying a instauration astir finances volition assistance you marque the determination astir status and enactment the semipermanent wellness of your marriage.

Dear Eric: I person a person I volition telephone “Linda”. She is simply a precise sweet, beauteous friend, whom I person known for astir 5 years. A fewer months ago, she had a enactment astatine her house, and she introduced maine arsenic her champion friend. This amazed me, but I brushed it off.

Last week my existent champion person of 30+ years, “Kelly,” was successful town, and I posted immoderate pics connected my socials of maine and her. Well, I got a substance from Linda asking maine astir Kelly, however agelong I person known her, etcetera.

I answered her questions, and she ended up sending maine a three-page email astir however wounded she was that I was calling Kelly my champion person erstwhile I hadn’t adjacent mentioned her to her, and she was the 1 who was ever “there” for me.

This confused maine due to the fact that immoderate clip I needed idiosyncratic to beryllium determination for me, connected anything, it’s Kelly oregon my ma and sisters I call. Linda tin beryllium a talker/gossip.

I besides ever believed that if you were genuinely someone’s champion friend, it was thing you some agreed on. Once Linda and I moved connected from our aged workplace, I spot her astir erstwhile a period and speech connected the telephone possibly erstwhile a week/every mates of weeks.

I told her I was atrocious she was feeling that way. So far, she hasn’t responded and I’m unsure of what other to accidental oregon do. I don’t privation to wounded her feelings. If it matters, we’re some successful our mid-40s. Any proposal would beryllium appreciated.

– Not the Bestie

Dear Bestie: At the hazard of sounding callous, this is not your problem.

You’re close that champion relationship is usually a mutually agreed upon status. Sure, determination are friendships wherever 1 idiosyncratic likes the different idiosyncratic more. But Linda’s occupation is not that you don’t similar her arsenic overmuch arsenic Kelly, it’s that Kelly exists astatine all. And that’s not truly immoderate of Linda’s business.

My bosom goes retired to her a bit. She mightiness beryllium lonely; she mightiness not person a batch of friends. But she’s responding with a scarcity mindset that’s making her possessive. Your different friendships, adjacent with friends she doesn’t cognize about, shouldn’t impact the narration you have.

You’ve expressed sympathy and you haven’t done thing wrong, truthful you don’t request to bash much to hole this. If Linda comes around, however, it’s worthy having a speech astir boundaries and due responses. It’s what bully friends do.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas astatine eric@askingeric.com oregon P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him connected Instagram and motion up for his play newsletter astatine rericthomas.com.)

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