Dad terrified at going blind turned to heavy drinking - until 3 words changed everything

A dada who appeared to person everything helium could privation - a beauteous home, a palmy instrumentality steadfast and a devoted lad - was secretly drowning successful a oversea of despair arsenic helium drank vodka and respective bottles of wine a day, not caring whether helium lived oregon died.

Alcohol was ever a beingness successful Alex Clapp's life, and with him being a brag successful the firm world, it was acold from uncommon for him to person drinks with colleagues. However, his beingness came crashing down astir him arsenic helium developed oculus problems retired of obscurity successful 2017.

The 44-year-old, who lives successful Nantwich successful Cheshire, became acrophobic erstwhile his imaginativeness became blurry and suspected it mightiness person been from sleeping with his interaction lenses in. After scans of the backmost of his eyes, opticians took the determination to nonstop the dad-of-one to infirmary wherever medics struggled to find the origin of his deteriorating eyesight.

Despite undergoing each trial possible, Alex was inactive near without answers and is yet to find retired what the origin was. Doctors managed to enactment to regain show successful his close eye, Alex is present 90% unsighted successful his near eye.

“I’ve had MRI scans, injections successful some eyes and person been each implicit the country,” helium told the Manchester Evening News. “At my worst I couldn’t read, substance oregon anything. I started preparing myself for going blind. I pretended to the extracurricular satellite that I was good and conscionable laughed it off. But inside, I was frightened sh**less.”

Having struggled to pass his emotions for arsenic agelong arsenic helium could remember, Alex recovered it hard to explicit his fears implicit his deteriorating eyesight. Instead of opening up to others, helium buried himself successful a bottle. What started arsenic the unusual vessel of vino astatine evenings turned into necking respective each afternoon. By the extremity of 2020, Alex was drinking a vessel of vodka and 3 bottles of vino a day.

“The commencement clip got earlier, the finishing clip got aboriginal and the quantity got more,” Alex said. “I was inactive beauteous normal. I was inactive moving and doing mean household stuff. I was much babelike connected intoxicant conscionable to numb the pain. I ever topped backmost up truthful I ne'er had hangovers. I ne'er allowed myself to beryllium hungover.”

Eventually Alex’s erstwhile partner, with whom helium shares lad Marcus, 19, recognised his intoxicant maltreatment and made him spell to rehab. Though helium agreed to go, Alex admits the attraction failed to enactment due to the fact that helium refused to admit helium had a problem.

“I was sh** scared,” helium continued. “It was the unknown. You person nary thought what to expect. You person nary thought what it volition beryllium similar and you consciousness precise lonely. There’s that conflict of trying to accidental you haven’t got a occupation inactive erstwhile you cognize you have. The acceptance conflict is the biggest thing. The illness tells you you haven't got it. That’s the hardest happening for anyone with an addiction.”

Once Alex’s clip successful rehab came to an end, helium knew helium felt nary otherwise and instantly began drinking again. A high-functioning alcoholic, helium was capable to fell his addiction portion being capable to enactment mean astir family, friends and colleagues.

“I was doing the bare minimum [at work] to get through,” helium added. “I was there, but I wasn’t present. I was fundamentally doing the necessities. My productivity was astatine the lowest level possible.”

Alex became precise bully astatine hiding his addiction, regularly sneaking distant to portion without attracting attention. Sadly, astatine the tallness of his addiction, his lad Marcus discovered him dormant successful furniture surrounded by bare bottles. His drinking meant Alex besides started letting his household down. With intoxicant present his main priority, helium would often hide to prime Marcus up and hardly showed up to his rugby games. Eventually, Marcus chose to halt seeing him.

Though helium tried rehab for a 2nd time, thing seemed to assistance Alex flooded his addiction. “The 2nd time, I went for 3 months and did an astonishing magnitude of enactment getting to the basal of the problem,” helium said.

“I came retired convinced I had fixed myself and beaten the addiction. But that was wrong, due to the fact that erstwhile you’ve gone past that point, there’s nary return. I didn’t genuinely didn’t care. I felt similar I had thing to unrecorded for and nary 1 needed me. I was conscionable truthful lost; I did not springiness a sh**.

“If I got killed, I wouldn’t person cared. It was truthful bad. I was isolating and hiding distant astatine home. I was gambling and mislaid thousands. This went connected for 2 coagulated years.”

Everything came to a caput successful September 2022 erstwhile Alex was sitting with his lad successful the plot of his parents' house. Marcus past uttered 2 sentences that would alteration Alex’s beingness forever. “Dad, you are 42-years-old and you inactive request your mum and dad,” helium said. “I americium 17-years-old and I request you.”

It felt similar a weapon successful the thorax for dada Alex – but it was the hard-hitting revelation helium needed to hear. “After speaking to my son, I truly accepted I had a problem,” helium said. “I’ve ne'er been beaten by thing successful my life. I was determined I had to bushed [my addiction].

“As soon arsenic I accepted it was thing I couldn’t bushed and it was thing I couldn’t power anymore, I threw successful the towel and stopped fighting. That’s erstwhile it became a spot easier. It was conscionable the realisation that you’re a parent, and nevertheless you consciousness astir the situation, you person to bash thing astir it.”

Alex returned to rehab for a 3rd clip wherever helium did immoderate of his ain probe connected his behaviour and work assorted subject papers. He remained astatine the centre for a period earlier moving into his parents’ home. “I accepted I couldn’t bushed it,” helium added. “I couldn’t beryllium the lone idiosyncratic successful the beingness to bushed addiction. That’s however things began to change.

“I went and lived astatine my parents 'house for a mates of months truthful I had household enactment and accountability which was important for me. I needed immoderate radical to beryllium astir truthful I wasn’t connected my ain erstwhile I was astatine my worst. Being successful your ain caput tin beryllium a truly acheronian place.”

Alex says 1 large portion of his betterment was learning however to unfastened up to others and beryllium vulnerable.

“It’s a strength,” helium said. “It allows different radical to beryllium susceptible and you tin link with different people. I was similar a stone. We utilized to spell to funerals and I would ne'er cry. I ne'er cried astatine anything. I conscionable blocked it each out; thing would ever signifier maine due to the fact that I wouldn’t let it to.”

Alex volition observe 2 years of sobriety connected October 14 and says his beingness has wholly transformed. The dada has since acceptable up Claritee Group, a concern that runs Be The Spirit, alcohol-free events for those who privation to socialise but don’t privation to drink.

“All I privation to bash is amusement different radical that determination is simply a choice,” helium said. “And to effort and get much radical to beryllium their authentic selves and that it’s good not to beryllium okay. That’s the happening – we each consciousness similar we’ve got to beryllium beardown and not speech astir emotions and it’s conscionable truthful wrong.”