I’m a sex addict – I’ve secretly slept with 50 men while married & bonked pal’s husband in loos while out with them

CREEPING up the stairs astatine 2am, I cautiously navigate the creaking floorboard and pad softly into my bedroom.

I don’t adjacent ablution earlier getting into bed, the odor of the antheral I’ve conscionable slept with is inactive connected my skin. I similar the reminder.

It’s shocking, I know.

The bald facts are that I’m addicted to sex, cheating connected my hubby of 21 years truthful regularly that I’ve mislaid number of however galore men I’ve slept with.

It’s implicit 50 but little than 100.

Some I’ve had short-lived affairs with, others are one-night stands.

I’ve slept with my husband’s workfellow astatine a enactment relation and made a walk astatine a friend’s hubby - helium was a uncommon 1 that turned maine down.

I’ve been retired astatine meal with a radical of friends and slept with 1 of them successful the toilet of the edifice portion his woman and my hubby sat astatine the table.

I’ve adjacent near the marital furniture successful a edifice to spell downstairs and slumber with the barman that I fancied.

I can’t archer you however casual it is to find men that are up for it, joined oregon single, from barmen to tennis coaches to men I’ve met connected trains, arsenic good arsenic friends and colleagues.

I’m brazen but each it takes is simply a susurration successful the ear, a changeable connected the arm, oregon slipping them your number.

I don’t interest astir radical gossiping astir maine due to the fact that astir of the men I conscionable are either joined truthful they wouldn’t respire a word, oregon they’re fleeting — similar connected vacation oregon a enactment trip.

As acold arsenic I cognize my hubby has nary thought oregon has chosen not to notice.

I’ve had my suspicions astir him implicit the years excessively and person nary tendency to speech to him astir it.

Maybe it’s conscionable wishful reasoning connected my part, I anticipation helium is past I needn’t consciousness guilty.

We some privation to enactment joined for our children and due to the fact that our marriage works successful different ways.

The reasons down my galore infidelities are complicated.

I emotion sex but find my hubby boring successful furniture — it’s each acold excessively familiar.

I besides crave validation from men.

I’m charismatic by astir standards.

I’m slim with agelong legs, and I’ve got bully hair.

But arsenic a teen I had greasy, mousy hairsbreadth and was plagued with acne.

While my friends were perpetually asked retired by the boys astatine school, I didn’t adjacent warrant a 2nd glance.

When I was 17 I blossomed, I discovered moving and hairsbreadth dye and my acne cleared up.

I started to get antheral attraction and I loved it.

There was 1 lad who I’d had a crush connected for 4 years.

I’ll ne'er hide the buzz erstwhile helium came sidling up to maine and asked maine out.

It gave maine a feeling of powerfulness but besides confidence, I was nary longer invisible.

And having enactment lone accrued those emotions.

He was the archetypal antheral I slept with and I loved it.

Not conscionable the enactment but the confirmation helium recovered maine attractive.

It ended erstwhile we went to antithetic universities and knew it wouldn’t enactment out.

At assemblage I played the tract but astir of america did.

When my friends started settling down erstwhile we left, I realised I didn’t privation to.

I liked the novelty of sleeping with antithetic men. It was breathtaking erstwhile they realised I was up for it.

I deliberation my mistake was ever getting married.

I should person conscionable dated aggregate men with them each knowing it wasn’t exclusive. But backmost past you expected to get married.

I met John and helium swept maine disconnected my feet. I recovered him precise charismatic and the enactment was large to commencement with.

We got joined aft a year, erstwhile I was 26.

Though I was excited connected my wedding day, I retrieve the nighttime earlier worrying that I’d ne'er slumber with anyone other and however overmuch I’d miss it.

I was unfaithful a twelvemonth aboriginal portion I was distant astatine a league with a alien astatine the hotel.

We were lasting astatine the bar, got chatting portion waiting for the barman to service america and it went from there.

Though I was blessed with John, I craved the novelty of enactment with idiosyncratic caller and conscionable feeling a antithetic body.

I similar uncovering retired what men similar successful furniture oregon learning thing caller from however they interaction me.

I’ve go much reckless

After that archetypal time, I did consciousness guilty. I retrieve going location to John, gathering myself up to confessing. But I couldn’t bash it. I wanted to beryllium joined to him.

I’ve carried connected being unfaithful continually but for each clip I was pregnant and the archetypal six months afterwards arsenic I was excessively bushed and connected maternity leave I person small crushed to permission location to find a caller man.

We person 2 daughters aged 15 and 13. I ever person harmless enactment truthful I’m successful nary uncertainty he’s their father.

But different the practicalities of my infidelities are easy. I enactment agelong hours and question rather a lot.

I’ve got 2 friends who’re ever blessed to beryllium my alibi — 1 of them has a chaotic beingness and often asks maine to travel implicit to assistance her done immoderate situation oregon other, truthful I tin ever unreal I’ve gone to her house.

But I’ve go much and much reckless arsenic the years pass.

I utilized to confine my infidelity to erstwhile I was moving away.

Now I volition bash it nether John’s nose.

We were erstwhile astatine a wedding and I had enactment with the antheral connected my close during the dinner.

I told him I was up for it, we went outside, did it successful the bushes past I walked backmost in, without a attraction successful the satellite and recovered John chatting to his mates by the bar.

I person had longer-term lovers, 1 antheral I’ve been seeing for respective years connected and off.

He’s the antheral equivalent of maine and assures maine I’m acold from the lone women looking for the speedy thrill of enactment with a alien — and helium should know.

I erstwhile took a fellow with maine connected a enactment travel and my hubby recovered retired due to the fact that this man’s woman recovered retired and told him.

I swore unsighted thing happened and helium chose to judge me.

We person separate bedrooms due to the fact that of John’s snoring but bash inactive person enactment occasionally.

But I enactment retired until each hours and conscionable anticipation helium doesn’t drawback maine coming home.

On the occasions helium has, I person claimed I fell dormant astatine my friend’s house.

While I bask my extramarital enactment and crave it, I cognize I’m retired of power and addicted.

I’m not alone.

Dr Patrick Carnes who came up with the word “sex addiction” reckons 1 successful 5 of the 4 cardinal Brits who are enactment addicts, are women.

But the happening is, I don’t privation therapy due to the fact that I don’t privation to alteration yet.

I cognize arsenic good arsenic being morally wrong, it is unhealthy due to the fact that immoderate I archer myself astir it being good I’d hatred to spot my daughters going down the aforesaid road.

• For much information, delight interaction the Association For Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, atsac.org.uk
• As told to: Claire Dunwell