My man asked me to quit my job to become a stay-at-home girlfriend at 23 – chores took over my life, then he dumped me

KNEADING dough successful her spotless kitchen, Kendel Kay swished her bob and smiled astatine the camera connected her phone.

Later, she uploaded her baking video to  TikTok for her 500,000 followers with the caption: “POV: You chose the brushed beingness & fto your antheral take care of the finances truthful you tin remainder successful your feminine energy  & walk each time successful the kitchen.”

The clip, posted successful July 2023, racked up 1 cardinal views and much than 1,500 comments – the bulk from swooning pistillate followers declaring “goals” and calling her a “lifestyle queen”.

Spending hours successful the room was mean for Kendel – in 2021, she moved 3,000 miles to beryllium with her fellow of conscionable a fewer weeks, leaving down her palmy modelling vocation to go a “stay-at-home girlfriend”.

Her fellow Luke Lintz, now 25 and CEO of a PR institution worthy millions, paid their rent, bills and for their glam getaways, portion Kendel cleaned, cooked  his meals and shared glimpses of her “idyllic” beingness online.

Now, however, Kendel is single, and admits she grew profoundly unhappy with the beingness truthful galore young women aspire to.

In fact, erstwhile the relationship ended successful November 2023, she found  herself successful the grips of an individuality crisis – and surviving disconnected savings, having sacrificed her fiscal independence. 

“It’s decidedly risky to participate this manner if you don’t person a information nett to autumn backmost on,” she says.

“The nonaccomplishment of independency was the worst happening for me. It’s truthful fragile  to trust connected different quality being similar that.”

An off-shoot of the trad-wife trend, stay-at-home girlfriends person go prolific connected social media – the operation brings up 37.3 cardinal results connected TikTok, portion the acronym SAHG generates 34 million. 

Glossy videos amusement glam women tidying, cooking, moving retired and engaging successful analyzable skincare rituals, prompting galore followers to state the manner their “dream”.

However, critics person labelled the inclination anti-feminist and dangerous, informing it promotes a perchance unhealthy power dynamic successful which the pistillate is babelike connected her spouse for each fiscal matters – and not entitled to immoderate enactment oregon part of assets aft a split. 

Kendel, who posts arsenic @Kendelkay on TikTok, was 23 and moving arsenic an OnlyFans exemplary and societal media marketeer erstwhile she met Luke connected vacation successful Mexico in 2021.

The brace instantly clicked, and astatine the extremity of the travel Luke asked Kendel to question to his location successful Puerto Rico to unrecorded with him.

“My docket was flexible and I wanted to beryllium with him, so the determination to determination was easy, adjacent though I’d lone known  him a substance of weeks,” Kendel says. 

She gave up the lease connected her shared level to relocate to Luke’s two-bed beachside townhouse, and they became a couple.

“My household weren’t amazed –  I’ve ever been adventurous,” Kendel says. “They mightiness person thought I was crazy, but cipher said thing to my face.

“Luke was providing financially for maine from the start. He would wage for dinners, planetary travel, and immoderate associated expenses specified arsenic groceries, meals and taxis.

"But erstwhile it came to idiosyncratic luxuries, similar manicures and clothes, I would bargain those myself,  arsenic I was inactive earning from my OnlyFans and selling work, plus I had savings.”

Around six months into their relationship, Luke asked her  to discontinue OnlyFans.

Kendel believes helium had insecurities astir her modelling work. “I agreed, arsenic helium was earning a batch much and  liked to supply for me,” she says.

Soon, Kendel’s days revolved astir “self-care and caring” for Luke, who  gave her a recognition card. “I would make  him java and breakfast, past bash a agelong skincare regular and chores, past a workout.

"I’d besides marque america dinner.  Friends and household conscionable assumed I was inactive working. I’d ever hoped to beryllium a stay-at-home mum 1 day, and it felt similar things were heading on that path,” she explains.

In 2022, Kendel began making societal media videos astir her life, with titles  including: “When radical accidental to get a occupation but I’m virtually conscionable a girl,” getting millions of views.

“My videos went viral. Some women were supporting me, saying they wish  they could unrecorded similar I was, and others were saying what I was doing was dumb.”

Relationship manager and psychotherapist Susie says that portion the lure of a “pre-paid” location and manner tin beryllium enticing, it tin travel astatine a precocious cost.

“Lack of fiscal independency is simply a communal taxable successful coercive power and  is portion of the checklist for signs of domestic abuse successful a relationship,” she explains. “Dependency tin origin issues with self-esteem and self-worth.”

There’s nary proposition Luke was abusive oregon controlling. However, Kendel admits that aft a while, the allure did statesman to fade. 

“The chores took implicit my full life. I couldn’t permission the location for much than a fewer hours – it was similar taking attraction of a child,” she says. “I started to consciousness restricted, similar I was being kept successful a box.”

By summer 2023, Kendel felt profoundly unhappy. “I was moving harder successful our   narration than I utilized to extracurricular of it, and without getting an income.

"I didn’t  consciousness I had arsenic overmuch fiscal state arsenic erstwhile I was single. Luke was engaged working, truthful erstwhile helium spent clip with  me, I enjoyed it, but erstwhile we were  isolated I’d consciousness resentful.”

In November 2023, Luke and Kendel agreed connected a impermanent separation, during which she went to California to sojourn family. She says that, portion she was there, helium broke up with her implicit the phone. 

“I deliberation helium realised we were some unhappy. It was hard to hear, but determination was a portion of maine that felt relieved I could consciousness escaped again,” Kendel says. 

“I stayed with household for 2 weeks afterwards, past rented my ain spot again. Thankfully, I inactive had savings, but it was a achy clip and I had to readjust to being maine and providing for myself.”

Other erstwhile stay-at-home girlfriends person spoken retired astir however they were near homeless, penniless and with immense gaps successful their CVs that marque it hard to get a occupation aft a narration split. 

As American vlogger Ari Luu, 29, whose SAHG narration ended successful October aft 3 years, said connected her podcast Delusional Daydreams: “I person nary car, I person nary job, I person nary money.

"I was enactment successful this presumption to enactment astatine home, beryllium taken attraction of, and really  beryllium the enactment strategy for my partner. And by doing so, I gave distant everything I had. And now, I americium perfectly near with nothing.”

Rachel Luke, laminitis of Rachel Luke Digital Marketing, believes the online fascination with SAHGs is linked to a tendency for escapism.

“We ticker this contented to fantasise astir however bully it would beryllium to person thing other to bash different than look bully and marque the location gorgeous, with wealth nary object,” she explains. 

“To galore of us, it seems easier to execute than our lives balancing work, societal life, broadside hustles, friendships and household obligations.

“We don’t deliberation deeper connected the contented and what it would beryllium similar to really unrecorded that beingness – we conscionable deliberation however fantastic it would beryllium to  get our hair done each week, bargain caller things regular and walk hours putting connected make-up.

"It’s escapism astatine its finest and reflects the authorities of the satellite we presently unrecorded in, which can feel stressful and overwhelming.”

Millie*, 27, from Essex, besides recovered herself experiencing the  acheronian broadside of SAHG beingness 18 months into her relationship.

“When I met Daniel*, 28, astatine a barroom 1 nighttime successful summer 2022, I was feeling lost.

"Since graduating from play school two years before, I hadn’t been definite what I wanted to bash and I’d been moving impermanent jobs, surviving successful a friend’s spare room for inexpensive rent and envying my friends who were climbing the  vocation ladder and settling down.”

Millie and Daniel, who worked for a bank, dated for six months earlier helium asked her to determination into the luxury level helium owned successful London.

“Friends thought it was truly soon, but I said ‘yes’ without hesitation. Why wouldn’t I privation to unrecorded in  a beauteous home, rent-free, with a charming, amusive guy?”

At first, Millie contributed to bills, portion Daniel paid the owe and treated them to meals out, often whisking her distant for romanticist weekends successful Europe.

“It was similar a dream, I couldn’t judge I’d got truthful lucky,” she  says. A twelvemonth into their relationship, Daniel suggested Millie quit  her receptionist job.

“He insisted helium earned capable for some of us and, although  I resisted astatine first, due to the fact that I’d been raised by a feminist mother, the imaginable of being a SAHG was excessively tempting.

“Daniel worked agelong hours and  I filled my days with the gym, cleaning, buying and cooking, and gathering friends for java who were envious of my ‘kept woman’ lifestyle. 

“I’m adjacent to my mum, who lives abroad, but didn’t archer her  I’d discontinue my job, arsenic I knew she wouldn’t approve.”

Daniel gave Millie a recognition card, but she says that the novelty soon began to deterioration off.

“At first, it was breathtaking to spell into a store and bargain immoderate I wanted, but a dependable successful my caput kept saying that I was nary longer his adjacent and I hadn’t worked for these treats,” she remembers.

Millie admits she besides felt bored and lonely. “Daniel was ever astatine work, and I felt I couldn’t kick arsenic helium was paying the mortgage and bills. 

“I had thing absorbing to speech astir with friends –  each I did was exercise, bash the laundry and cook.

“One evening successful December 2023, Daniel came location from enactment and asked what was for dinner, but I hadn’t made anything. I’d been feeling debased that time and had spent it lying connected the sofa, ignoring the washing and dishes, too.

“He was truly cross, shouting that it was my ‘job’. It made maine realise that he’d begun to spot maine arsenic employed staff.

"I felt truly tiny and realised I’d walked into this unhealthy dynamic. I needed to unrecorded my ain beingness again, and not beryllium beholden to anyone due to the fact that they were paying for me.

“Daniel and I broke up, and I moved backmost into my friend’s spare room. I got a occupation successful a bar, earning £11.44 an hour, but alternatively of feeling atrocious for myself, I felt relieved I had my self-respect.

"I’m  successful a caller narration now, too, and we divided everything 50/50.”

Millie admits she inactive watches SAHG contented connected societal media  –  but acold from being envious, she worries what’s truly going connected down the scenes. 

“I wonderment if they are truly happy?” she says. “I cognize I wasn’t.” 

• *Names person been changed